Eng-er-land - Penultimate pre WC game

So good is it, I am writing my blog - listening to Terry Butcher and Alan Green on Radio 5 as opposed to watching it on the TV... We are winning 2-1 at the mo. Walcott has got on. Sven has been experiementing... England are asleep - I quote, as with Campbell coming on a Hungary player whips a cross in. And within minutes Sol gets a yellow card and gives the ball away. Get in Sol! And now the 'no threat' opposition are applying some pressure to our defence.... Ok ok - 3-1 to us. Crouch. Super Sub?! Or super striker from the off?

Erm St George's Flag count today? Certainly double figures... 16. Excludes the one in my bathroom!

New Cyberman?

Fodder and Dressage

I spent Saturday doing an impression of Anneka Rice - well ok, only in that I was chasing a moveable target - not in that I was wearing bright pink lycra and being persued by a camera crew. As it was not sure the reason I was weaving in and out of soggy tourists was even around. That said not a bad reason to rack up 10,000 footsteps and get some much needed fresh air. But the weather was none too pleasant - warm and wet. So by the time I had gone from London Bridge to Blackfriars Bridge and then wended my way to M&S Moorgate I was damp inside and out. Success at Marks though - shoes for Friday and super shaper tights as well. The afternoon was a football treat - Swans on the radio, Gillingham all stars in the Wales v Trindad game on Beeb 2 and the Soccer Aid match on ITV. (WHY SOCCER GUYS?!?! In this country we call it FOOTBALL).

Saturday pm was catching up with Funlands. Dark and dirty. Blackpool for beginners?!

Sunday I hot footed down to Kent. Reading my 'Software Estimation' book and indulging in some sunshine. The premise of the trip was to get my dress altered and to go for pukka fish n chips with the folks and our friends. Hence the title of this post!

After much debate Mum and I decided my floor length dress is actually scarlet not cerise - which is perhaps just as well! Several fittings and pin pricks later the required alterations were tacked and ready to go. A few accessories tried and a wrap secured it all looked very glam! I may yet pull it off and stride in looking like a Hollywood great and not like a white rabbit. Now all I have to hope is that there is no rain Friday pm otherwise I will be turning up as a drowned rat in a damp scarlet dress!

My arrival to the country residence (!) was met with one of my Dad's novel obssessions.....

His GRASS!!! It's like going to Lord's! The driveway has been a never ending source of ribbing. But for some reason my Dad expends countless hours making it look like a wicket. It is two tone at the moment due to the fact the end nearest the house has been re-seeded and the end furthest has not - so you can guess his next mission... I have often threatened to acquire a Robin Reliant and 'hehem' come visit him and park said car off the cul-de-sac and on the drive... ... best not huh?!

He was in the garden planting up his beans and berating the wet ground - he'll eat his words when there is no rain in July/August!

Sunday pm plenty of food and chit chat. Forgotten that necking a rather tasty glass of red wine could have such a loosening effect! The only cloud all weekend my ex ringing and texting me to tell me it was over and that he had wasted his life. I deleted. Sighed and wished he had realised all these things a year ago. When I did.

Monday morning rang my brother - the theory being if I ring from the folks phone then both of us are enjoying the benefits of spending the inheritance! He seemed in good spirits considering. Seems I will most certainly be getting promoted to grooms man! So I need to find a weeding (SIC) suit! String for belts anyone?!

Then me n the folks bravely trooped to Westgate for a stroll along the coast to Margate. It rained as soon as we stopped the car. In fact it didn't stop. So we drove closer to Margate. More rain. Hail. Wind. It eased and we tooled up with our jumpers and wet weather gear. But it was just not happening. So after half an hour or so of commentating on the occupants of other parked cars (the compulsive eater/the fisherman/the female struggling with bicycles/the Westgate underworld genreally) we gave up and drove home. Needless to say lovely sunny weather for that. Until we got indoors and 20 minutes later full blown thunder storm, hail the size of sprouts and the realisation that some days walking just isn't going to be possible - or if it is - not much fun. Back to London after a Johnny Cash tea.

From this .....

August Bank Holiday 2005 - View from Westgate to Margate

To this....

May Bank Holiday 2006 - 'View' from mid way between Westgate & Margate and from the car

And this morning I woke up at 5am and was in work at 8.30ish. So the week begins again. The view. My desk and generally catching up with everyone else's long weekend. Did put my shoes in for re-heeling this morning so should have a choice in future especially now I have discovered industrial strength shaping tights!!

Today's big question...

Will Rooney be fit?

Answer

So the next question - should he go at all? I have a mixed view.

Eng-er-land

Erm lost this evening. 1-2 to Belarus.. and on the way took out goalie Green. Not great news for NCFC fans.

I am here after a few white wines in the pub. I managed to leave work at 6ish and not gone 7 as has been the story for the last 3 nights. Today is an annivesary. Obviously of Liverpool winning the Champions League. What a night that was a year ago. And here is also the spot to say Happy Birthday John - may the Swans glide with grace into the Championship on Saturday.

I have finished my latest read this evening. And it hurt. I was totally absorbed by Henry and Clare. Made me think of how old I was when my Dad/Mum were a certain age. Really odd realising I was only 7 when my dad was 40...

Had a tops VM today - seems as though my Saturday could be rather fun. And you know what I wnat it to be. Cos it can be. I just need to stop recoiling and start rejoicing. Ignore the cynics. I have enough of my own without anymore. If I trip and fall i do so alone.

And the rest of weekend in Kent relaxing! Beautiful fish n chips here I come! I also bit the bullet and called ex. Well it's Thursday and I miss music night despite my innate hatred of it at times in the past. Or maybe I miss Bruce. Nah. I miss my sense of community no matter how shallow. Went passed the pub on the bus yesterday. Its a really odd feeling. Ok white wine makes me this way. Oh David Ginola on ITV ... oh NO where has his hair gone?!?!? He is as grey as me!!!

And so with Horlicks in hand I bid you good night - my tension headache gone and enough spirit inside me to sleep soundly. Which is good as I have a real slapper of a day tomorrow.....

Eng-er-land - the re-prise

My head feels fine this morning and certain items from last evening are filtering through... especially this:

The pub we watched the England game in was to say the least populated with nice young men with quiffs and very well made suits. They started making polite conversation with my friend to see if Theo Walcott was playing. We weren't sure having scooted from another venue to find a pub with Sky. But from the line up it didn't look like it. He was admiring the TV when I realised with his rather nice accent he may be worth a ribbing/intellectual debate about our World Cup chances - so I piped up 'Who do you normally support'. He responded 'Oh erm I just support England. I thought about supporting Chelsea. And possibly Arsenal but generally I support no-one except England. And yourselves? ' Of course we stunned him with our Division One teams and passion for the game. He went pale and then asked if England were the team in red...

At which point I dissolved and friend had to restrain me from usual diatribe about fans who appear when it suits them... I admire the man though for being so certain England can win the World Cup. As my mum always used to say it is folly to be wise where ignorance is bliss.

Good reviews of the Tottenham players tho! Heartening to hear! Move over Theo - in yer come Aaron!
Well it's raining but warm so no vest. The office is half empty and I have some Team System work to do!!

I have some links to fix and some bills to pay...
links fixed so fill yer boots people...

MAY!!!?

the month.
I have put my vest back on and the beanie and gloves are in my waterproof coat.. Makes my week idyll in Horsham seem all the more holiday like..
How terribly British of me to point such things out...

Some quiz questions...

I am not generally one to promote odd ball online quizzes. But the result of this one bemused me. Is a high percentage good or bad?! Kissing Purity Score: 49% Pure
You're not one to kiss and tell...
But word is, you kiss pretty well.

(For 40p I kiss really well!!!!)

Kissing Test



Or to be aloof or have a sudename... My 1920's Name is:

Dovie Freda

What's your 1920's name?

What American City Are You? - I was Las Vegas?!?! Okay I cheated. I was originally Austin Texas but who wants to come from there?!?!

Or for those unable to bother Myers Briggs - The Three Question Personality Test
My results?!?!

Rational (NT)
You are both logical and creative. You are full of ideas.You are so rational that you analyze everything. This drives people a little crazy!
Intelligence is important to you. You always like to be around smart people.In fact, you're often a little short with people who don't impress you mentally.
You seem distant to some - but it's usually because you're deep in thought.Those who understand you best are fellow Rationals.
In love, you tend to approach things with logic. You seek a compatible mate - who is also very intelligent.
At work, you tend to gravitate toward idea building careers - like programming, medicine, or academia.
With others, you are very honest and direct. People often can't take your criticism well.
As far as your looks go, you're coasting on what you were born with. You think fashion is silly.
On weekends, you spend most of your time thinking, experimenting with new ideas, or learning new things.

Nuff said!?!?

SO people let me know your results!!

G.F.C. News...

For those of you wondering we have signed/got contracts with:

• Southend United duo Duncan Jupp and Mark Bentley
• 20-year-old Ipswich Town striker Dean McDonald
• Ian Cox and youngsters Frannie Collin and Luke Howell re-signed their contracts.

Still no news on Jason Brown or Darren Byfield. I live in hope (oh he has gone btw!)

As an aside - yesterday listening to New Order on random 'World In Motion' came on and for the first time I got a glimmer of excitement for the World Cup. Found a very entertaining World Cup blog on the BBC website at lunch time too. Just slightly concerned at all the St George's flags everywhere and the stories that Rooney is healing well. I can't stand the tension. Only 17 days to go...... COME ON EN-GER-LAND!!

White Rabbits...

are there any in Hollywood films? Do they class as glamour? Roger Rabbit? Or does it relate to a Carnival theme - or should I stick with my full length cerise dress that I have already purchased for the Summer Party? These are but a few of the thoughts racing through my brain right now. Well with the choices on TV tonight being Crimewatch...Big Brother or Behind the Scenes with David Beckham mean my random thoughts are perhaps slightly more interesting. Well to me anyway!

Busy day in the office today - Team System and getting stuck in with my project teams. The side of my job that I enjoy. Steep learning curves but with each new step I feel we are making progress.

Bumped into Mr G this morning - him on his way home and me on my way to work. I keep trying to imagine what that situation would be like if we were still living together and I have to say - the inner joy I get when I realise that when I get in my house will be as I left it fills me. He couldn't look me in the eye though and I was very restrained bearing in mind the insecurity and anger I felt last Wednesday.

Had some weird text messages yesterday. And some very enjoybale ones! I am being distracted by people and ideas. Which is not a bad thing. Reckon the spring time sun shine has this affect on people. Thoughts turn to intimate pleasures. Now I must confess, a hug and a kiss would be lovely right now!

My brother was also in touch last night with some news about his English mates and the great possibility that they may not be able to go to Oz for his wedding. It's all very deflating. At this rate I may well end up being best man! It is one of those dilemma's when friends need to travel further than the Bristol Travelodge. I am sure that come the day it will be great - those that want to be there will be and will have a ball. I intend to!

Right well there must be something on BBC 7 I need to listen too!

View from my desk!

I moved desks over the weekend - along with most of the team. So I can now look out the window at the Old Bailey and see who is being escorted in and out. This was taken at 6.45pm today. I can also now see the Chinooks as they fly over without having to rush to the window. And I get to see the great St Paul's dome and spot the tourist cameras flashing. Aah. Currently my desk is tidy - so I am sharing that too!! Ok well sort of!

New Haircut!

Haircut today. And realisation of the colour. So Colour: Light Golden Brown : Length neatly layered long at back and curled correctly at sides.

(It looks ginger...tho colleagues tell me I am one step away from blonde... dark golden brown next time I fear)

Weekend

This picture sums up my weekend. Watching some DVD films. Listening to music. The trainers were part of my purchasing yesterday. Not a bad deal from Sportsworld - shame the entire shopping experience was so depressing. Without a game of football to attend let alone plug into I decided to go for a wander and replce my trainers. Eventually after trying on about 4 dresses at TK Maxx and pondering some shoes in Next I ended up with my Lonsdale Camden's. I say eventually as finding the other of the pair was like looking for a needle in a haystack and the shop assitants were old enough to be my children and were not exactly keen to help or take my money. But I got there in the end. Missed all the showers so Saturday was a result.

Went to SavaCentre but the sheer number of people told me it was a bad idea to proceed. Doesn't matter how loud the Chili's are playing in your ears Saturday shopping is just no fun. I did though but some sunshine coloured flowers and they make a lovely display in the lounge. Aaah the peacefulness of a nice bunch of flowers.

Today has been film day. Memento and Interview with a Vampire. The rain did not stop for most of the day so the knowledge all washing got dry yesterday meant I could afford myself a nice long lay in. The Archers. And the Championship play off on the radio. Well done to Watford and those stonking ex Gills players Marlon and Darius.

Tomorrow I return to the office - and will be at a new desk. As I said once before in a diary entry (21st May 2001) - new desk new danger. But the view will be much more enticing! And I do mean the one out of the window - not inside the room - that for a week is going to be somewhat testing.. At least my potential bailiff problem has been sorted. Or so I have been told. No further contact there I fear.

Aaah the weekend - put yer feet up and think about the week just gone and how you would like to play the coming week a bit differently. Rollercoasters and thrills.

Aargh

I was having a good day. Then I came home to an envelope addressed to my ex. Convinced it is bad news I have been researching distraint orders... apparently these people can't enter your home with force without a court order. I wouldn't mind but he hasn't lived here for a year and he has had all his old mail and now me myself and I have the threat of some nice man wanting to size up how much my possessions are worth... but fear not I have a phone number and I will be resorting to it as required. In the meantime it has meant a trip to ex's house to deliver said letter. A trip I could have done without. Karma? I start believing everything is possible and feel on the up and get this little warning. Well I am on top of this one.

[Update - thank you Mr Furry et al for your comment - as ever my mates help see me through]

In other news.. oops Arsenal are losing. I have had a good day. Sorted passport renewal out. Made contact with some folks from the course last week - so if they drop by - hello hope you are well and thx for popping by! And the office clear out and move started in earnest today. A new start - out with the old etc etc.

Walked along the Embankment this evening to Waterloo. Passing the statue of IKB I paused and saluted the man! Felt as if I was re-acquainting myself with all the reasons I love this grey and grimy city!

Isambard Kingdom Brunel's Statue - Embankment

I did have a weird experience at lunch time - convinced I saw someone from my past - whom I had done some reading in dairy about this morning and mentioned to a friend today also. Co-incidence? Who knows? He was still riding his courier bike sans helmet and with colourful shades one. Hasn't regrown his hair and dyed it bright red tho!! Still bald.

Any way the irony of the day is as follows:

Here is your horoscope for Wednesday, May 17: Are you hearing that old 'Shoulda-woulda-coulda' refrain in your head? Let it go. Everything that happened in your past was meant to bring you to the choices you have right now. Live in the present.

Which in so many ways is the truth and is what makes us all unique - the journeys we take. I am just buzzing at the moment from the opportunity someone has given me over the last few days to let my imagination and creative side run a bit wild for a change. An experience I think we both enjoyed/are enjoying. So bailiff alert aside I am still quite upbeat....

Oh and Arsenal have just lost the European Champions League (clearly as a Gills fan I am not overly bothered just sad for English hehem football) ... which reminds me I came 6th in our office Fantasy Football League final table. Which out of 12 puts me in the top half and I was the only bird in it! Get in!!

Inadvertent New Feature

Scary Hair do's!

Well let's look at the evidence thus posted in the last three posts....

This is me in 2003... colour red - length mid

more soon...!

The Wag

Me @ The Wag (colour black - length short)

The Wag - a truly brillant night club - which is now an O'Neills pub (GRR) - on Wardour Street. The date 11 September 1998 - just before I left for Bristol and my studies in Barrister type things! Me and the BT crew had been out at the Litten Tree, Old Street and then to a bar called Burlington Bertie's on Shaftesbury Avenue - and then onto the club. My brother kept falling out of the fire doors and people who I thought would go home early, did not! We partied! A great night, no doubt followed up by a daring night bus ride home!! I think I was a hit with the DJ that night.. The Wag was a legendary place to go for a decent night of dancing to music you liked - 80's and Indie. I loved it and still rue the day it shut. From myself and all my friends who loved it as much as I - we salute you The Wag.

Deidrie Barlow

Yes - it's 'that' picture. Me in March 1990 on the geography field trip! (colour natural helped immensely by black & white photo! - length mid. permed...EEK)

SIC

I realise when I re-read posts my spelling ability has declined.. please feel free to pick me up on any words I have tripped over.. tsk tsk.

FA Cup Final Weekend

Well at least it was an entertaining game for the neutral. Goals galore. Extra time. Penalties. Pity West Ham lost - but then up against the comeback kids hardly surprising. Hope Stevie G plays like that in Germany!! Managed to get to the pub despite various tube lines being closed. Had a vaguely entertaining afternoon but took a cue to leave early post a celebration tequila! As it was I had a valuble and entertaining evening in any event. And managed to reord Doctor Who!!

Today I have been mainly pondering. Went for a walk at 5ish. Met my neighbouring friend - had a chat and then just took my usual walk through SW19 - absorbed the greeness and the 'happy' people in cars. In the space of a week so much has changed. People starting night shift. The Nelson bedecked in scaffold and painted up windows. Seeing it shut and knowing that last week I was in there for a final pint seemed really strange. The best and the worst of times in that place. And now nearly 5 years to the day since I met a major part of my life, the place in which we met is being refurbished. The old and unneeded removed. A new colour on the walls perhaps. A new lay out. A new start. A new leaf for all of us who have whiled away hours in there perchance. A fresh start. Spring. The chapter, maybe even book, shuts. Definitely the start of a new phase.

So what new awaits? Well there will soon be a new regime at work. A new me to emerge from a year of revisiting what I was doing this time last year... not always very productive living in the past but perhaps inevitable when four years with someone ends. All the anniversaries and dreaded dates have been duly ticked off the calendar. No more ghosts.

This time last year though I was in Fulham - escorting my Norwich supporting mate through their relegation from the Premiership. It was warmer last year. A week since my own team's relegation. So the support I gave was genuine. The Swans beat Brentford today so they are in the Play Off final - and to think we beat them twice this season!! Oh well that's the way the cookie crumbles.

Work tomorrow. Part looking forward to - part not. Catching up with everyone's news. Sharing my views. Meetings I'm unaware of.. etc etc. Hey ho.. oh yes and paying the balance on my air fare!! Buying stamps for ST application and getting passport photos re-done. Convinced they are too small. Pea on a drum head!

My Heroes - My Villains

Heroes (in no particular order)
David Bowie
IKB
Brian Molko
My dad/mum/bro
the late Ronnie Barker
Madonna
David Attenborough
Joseph Balzgette
Jason Brown
Thomas Hardy
Mrs Smith nee Cox (one of my old English teachers) in fact all my old English teachers

Villains (in no particular order)
Cars (not the Numan version)
Sky TV
The Premiership
Annoying 'football' fans - especially those who stand behind me and spout utter dirge (thanks for the correction Baggy!)

to be continued................

Lights out - Day Five in the House

Back from the woods feeling very bubbly and mentally lively.

In the door at 3.05pm... aah KO. Put the washing on and then scooted to SavaCentre to restock my fridge. It's now 10.45pm and I am beginning to feel as if the Roffey oasis was a dream. (photos to follow) Had a great evening last night. Early dinner - free wine. And a totally different set of people in the bar after dinner. It's true - never judge a book by its cover. I had the most amusing and revealing conversations Thursday pm more so than any other night. I also realised I did a mean impression of Dr Statham. Aah Green Wing. I hope this evening's wasn't the last one in this series. Indeed even the two Asset's were laughing.. and they come from ... short interval while I look up the spelling... ooh just discovered that Karen is 1) a member of a group of peoples of E and S Myanmar (formerly Burma) and 2) a group of languages spoken by these peoples. Blimey. Where was I? Oh yes making peoples from Kazakstan laugh... not sure how we got there. But in Kazak, Benny Hill is the best export they get and their version of Big Brother has entered its 2nd year - and yes I do mean it has been going on that long.

Aside from baby talk, aeroplane talk, the smoking debate and the many many other topics the overwhelming feeling was that of humour and banter. The introverts (apart from Sam - sorry Sam I know we were supposed to be going for a walk last night.) had a revolution and boy did it feel good. So thanks to Sam, Greg and Martin for making the final evening in the house less like an eviction.

This morning we had to do a team exercise and it went really well. It involved planks and racing against the clock. Our team won.

So that appeased the ESTJ of the group whom had felt so disheartened when we lost the situational leadership team exercise. And lost badly! We correctly identified ESTJ as a someone who should have been in the RAF...even though he went home last night but obviously returned this morning. Oh yes and called me 'Odd'. So I won my little challenge! [mind you he has a point - and he gleaned this without some of my more entertaining stories being told] After the competiton we had a individual review of the week and then a share with the group session. And then it was 1pm and we were allowed to leave. Bundled into a cab to Gatport Airwick for a train. Heading east the first landmarks were at East Croydon. Not at all inspiring. But then the wheel and the HoP came into view and I felt at home again.

Caught up with a few outstanding voice mails and need to reply to a few intriguing emails now. Watched a bit of TV. Danced round the lounge to Placebo and yes ladies and gentlemen I re-dyed my hair. Apologies to all of the people on the course who had to suffer my two tone - no three tone - hair... It is now HR resistant and ready to go..

One of the lads on the course has a HR department which has been re-named - 'Talent Management'. Gees.

Now for two days of comfie bed and mental prep for Monday... hope I can still walk water by then... ta ra.

Day Four in the House - PM

...and so the week draws to a close. This evening will be our last 3 course meal and I suspect that not everyone will attend. But we have rebelled and asked that it be served earlier than usual so that we have some time afterwards when it is light enough to do something else!

This afternoon has been quite draining - looking at motivation and personal impact. Self confidence. One of the exercises was to list our heroes and villians and decipher from this what the values were we aspired to and those we were not so hot on. I guess I need to do this a bit more methodically and when I am more in tune with my influences - I am not sure that Isambard K Brunel is necessarily a bad hero but certainly not one of my top ones!! My Dad. David Bowie. Douglas Coupland. Villians - mmm best not name too many names here.

After dinner myself and another girl are going for a walk. The Roffey Park woods... mmm. Then back in time for a sunset drink and time to reflect, think about packing and generally prepare for London and re-entry to work on
Monday. For the time being I am going to make the most of my green tranquility and enjoy these remaining hours. Reality bites way too soon and anyway there's a cup final to look forward and another 10 pence to spend!

Whilst I am here best wish The Swans all the best in their pursuit of Div 2!!! Hehe. And also check the cricket scores!

Right well best make an exit.. don't want to hold people up. Until another day.

Day Four in the House - luncheon..

This afternoon it is 'motivation'.. right now it is going to have to be very good. The sun is shining. There is a pool I haven't even sniffed at yet and well the greenery and blue skies have been hugely relaxing. Plenty of space and time out to really think about myself positively. However this morning my brain felt like cotton wool.. maybe all this being nice to people I'll never see again it starting to hurt. Funny how age makes people respond differently. For those of you curious there is no totty on the course and whilst it is predominantly male there's a really diverse mix within that. All great people. Nothing to dislike or maybe even like that much about them until you dig a bit deeper. Glad I still feel moderately comfortable. But I am now aching for my comfie bed!! Aaah those pillows bliss. The ones here - hell...
Good session this morning about managing upwards and in the same breath conflict... somehow very suitable for me to discuss. Came out of conflict feeling very happy that I had subconsciously learnt the lessons. As for managing the manager... yes well watch this space! Hopefully be back later to complete the day and this evening I intend to take some pictures of the venue. It is very pleasant. And for a city girl a real contrast!

Day Three in the House..

..sorry this is late chaps but last night spent watching the final of the Apprentice! Myself and a colleague found a TV room and squirmed along with the rest of the audience.

The highlight of yesterday was realising I was a distant leader more than a nearby one. That leadership is not a bad thing and that if I am honest I would rather lead than manage... oops. Also had a great session on organisational politics.. Which are you - a fox, sheep, donkey or an owl. I recognise now I need to move from being a bit of a sheep and get fully stuck into to being an Owl.. yes people I am at Animal Farm!

Not really. Went for a walk last night - much needed. Now I am struggling to cope without Five Live and my daily book reading and music listening. All in all though the day was a huge confidence boost... pity Michelle won.

Day Two in the House...

well well well... guess it was the bar and try as I might that headachey feeling I had cannot be blamed on the rather huge pillows - though my neck was sore this morning and I did feel a bit blurry...I then spent a good 5 mins trying to work out how the shower worked... when I did manage it I was almost washed down the plug hole the power shower had arrived in my life... and boy did that wake up the parts my shower at home does not.

Anyway today we soldiered on. Breakfast was ok - bit quiet but the fruit salad was out of this world.. well not quite but it had a good all round variety of types.

'Refreshed' the day began - with catching a ball - oh the relief not to drop it due to crossed eyes!

And then Myers Briggs scoring. I did my test after 3 glasses of adequate red wine last night (not sure I will be able to claim drinks consumption back to firm - darn) and was perhaps more relaxed and free to choose my preferred answers as opposed to my unwittingly conditioned ones... as such I went from being an Extrovert to an Introvert and from an Intuitive being to a Sensing being... eh?! I was, when did the test a year ago, a hardy ENTJ - I am now an ISTJ... I was perplexed. I feel happier about it now. Quietly consoled by the fact I feel happier in myself to be introverted - or maybe my return to childhood starts here?! Ho ho. We then did bits on Active Listening (pardon?!)and feedback (step away from the mike please) and then in the final exercise of the day watched as the whole group ignored most of these tools and let the bossy ones run the show. Ah active learning. Today has been on a personal level very good though - I feel energised and much more confident about myself than I have for a long time. I guess by not going to the bar tonight I am mentally testing the reaction of the other people on the course... more on that in the future. I did though court controversy by saying I despised cars...most of the dinner table looked aghast. Maybe my long term green thinking ways are too advance for most people. I'm not sure many had even thought about their personal contributions...

I am still struggling though without Radio Five - I have no idea who is doing what in the play-offs and even less about the England squad which Sven has picked - so thanks for the cryptic texts which have filtered through but I have no idea of what you speak!!! So right now I am off to the Beeb website... until Day Three ttfn.

Day One in the House...

... well after a horrendous tube and train journey not helped by wet weather - I made it here in one piece. The cabbie was a happy Arsenal fan which further dampened the morning. The room is nice. But no Radio Five - or DAB aaarrggghhh - what am I going to do?! I am now pacing the floor awaiting dinner...the group are fairly diverse but all in all ok! The sun is now out and the big debate is - bar or pool... bar or pool... bar or pool?!?! And the other big question - where does one buy more ciggies (sorry all - I know I must give up) as the venue is in the middle of nowhere!! Myers Briggs ce soir and we have to keep a work/learn diary - so I best keep those thoughts to that piece of paper not this one. Also this venue has military protection of some sort cos no-one is able to get a mobile phone signal... hey ho - could be good fodder for the observing me!

Apologies these entries are coming via email so may look a bit weird! Will tidy them up on my return!

The Sultan's Elephant

I made it! Sorted train tickets at Victoria then walked up to Buck Palace and through green park to find The Sultan's Elephant asleep on Piccadilly.....it was 2pm

It was due to move at 2.30pm then at 3pm and then guess what - nearer 3.30pm! In any event I was able to do my few bits of shopping and be in situ to see it wake and start to make its journey around the smarter London streets to Horseguards Parade.... Here are a few of my pics of the event.







It was a totally realistic looking beast and what these photos fail to provide are the musical accompaniment which was spot on. There was a great sense of joy within the crowds. Smiles all around. On the back of the Elephant the Sultan was being entertained by dancing girls. On either side of the body aides to the Sultan were taking notes and making measurements as if on an expedition. I enjoyed pre-empting where it was going next and walking swiftly to vantage points! Grateful for the sun being out too!

Totally worth turning out for...! Three cheers for London once again!

Miss Bump

while rushing around this morning I was looking for something by the side of the bed got up too quickly and turned straight into the bedroom door. Thack! So with head in hands and stars circling it I whelped quietly in pain. My bump has been treated with a cold compress (yes it's back out of the freezer again after it's use in January). And I suppose I could tap it down with a mallet if it persists. So I may end up going on my week long course with a shiner. And then everyone will have a reason to stare at me but will probably feel conscious doing so, so will look
away! Result!
It also means I feel a bit dizzy/queasy this fine evening so have I decided to give last night at Nelson a miss... probably for the best. That way I can get up tomorrow and spend my day doing the things I want to do...until then, I am now about to watch 'American Beauty' for about the 4th time in my life... It was the film I went to see at the cinema weeks before my 3 month stay out in the US. It was a film being shown on the plane when I flew to SFO. And Kevin Spacey's voice is, well, - divine. The Amercian Dream. Note the great use of the colour red throughout the film... which reminds me; must tape Green Wing...

Blackpool 3 Gillingham 3

Listening to it on the radio is in no way as much fun as being there. So my report will be brief! They scored. We levelled.(Byfield) Then we went 2-1 up.(Byfield) They then levelled and went 3-2 up. We equalised.(Flynn). Then with 5 mins remaining the Blackpool fans invaded the pitch and the game finished early. Result.

Gillingham finish the season in 14th place with 60 points. My season ticket application form is filled out and the cat and mouse begins watching news stories break as to which player is staying and who is going... so until August 5th - have a good summer GFC.

Pearls...

...of wisdom? or before swine....?

or Jam?

Let me rewind. Election Day yesterday. All a haunting reminder of the day last year but not the date. That was today. But today - well today, now yesterday, was good... Last year I was changing locks and nervously waiting for items to be removed. To be single and alone again.

I can't deny I have since found myself in a game of chess. But the stalemate is over. No more being the pawn. Being knocked over. Moved all over the board from let's face it black and white views. Life is not black and white - it is many shades and hopefully splashed with colour. I have just forgotten that a decision was made and after it we were both supposed to move on. Diagonally or forward three and aside one... I misread the rules. I dared to care too much. Worry too much. I mistakenly believed I could do no better. Or I could change what could not be changed. Who knows the answers to these? - but what I do know is I have had a fairly interesting and amusing and colourful and generally happier 12 months than the ones which preceded it.

And today I achieved a few more things on my list! Passport photos done. Flights booked. Leave booked. Cards and presents bought. All set for week away...!? Horsham here i come. Jacuzzi heh heh! Best case scenario - more men than woman on the course! Worse case... oh hell whatever will be will be!

And a day or so of good friends reminding me that I am who I am ... and I get home tonight after a 10p well invested (oh yes still as worth while as when it was 40p) and Eddie Vedder is on Laters...with Joolz of course, and best of all his hair is longer again! Hooray!! Hoorah!!! I hate to say it but us Capricorns are the biz!!!

The sun shines. The footie season ends tomorrow. My thoughts turn to other ideas and notions. I just revel in the feeling of smiling broadly on the late tube home and no-one knowing why. Pick a part that's new....

There is only one way to end this entry... Alive.

Reflections

Following on from yesterday's gripe and concerns about views I started a new book this morning - the Time Traveler's Wife.. on the second page, this caught my eye:

Love after Love

The time will come
when, with elation,
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror,
and each will smile at the other's welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

by Derek Walcott

News at Ten Newsflash!

According to the News @ 10 in 1957 62% of people were very happy.
now its only 36%.
Oh the irony. We are all better health wise. And have more time saving devices than we know what to do with. And yet we're less happy (see previous entry - I feel like a right whinger now) perhaps we have been conditoned to expect TOO much. Draw back a bit - lower the line - be joyful for the the birds in the trees singing at dusk. For the beautiful blossom and the new sense of spring life starting again. Nature is a wonderous leveller... grumpy - me?! Only at 9.30am methinks. I am happy really. And I don't have a car; own a house; or a dish washer or a tumble drier or a microwave or even a semi decent oven. I am happy cos I can recycle 90% of my household goods, walk for miles and generally do my bit for the global good...the more you have the more you want and the less fulfilling life becomes. Be sated by what you have, not hungered by what you do not...on that extremely philosophical note ta ra!

Paranoid and Grumpy...

... I will be back to complete this - but right now I am worried that I have two heads and a forehead which says MUG.... (ok TWO foreheads...)

back... some 12 hours later...
why is it some mornings you wake up and feel moderately ok but by the time you have reached work you wonder why you made the effort?
I was up early. I was on time. Then I got lost choosing a book to take as I knew the current read had nearly run its course. The Hip Hop Line was delayed. So before I know it I am now running late. When I do finish my book this morning (Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, by Hunter S Thompson) I put my book in my bag and look up for the first time. It seemed that all fellow passengers were staring at me. I wonder if I have something inclement on my face. I know I haven't burped or passed wind. I cleaned my teeth - so no spinach tucked in them (mind you I rarely eat spinach for breakfast). I had straightened hair and even made the effort to put mascara on. No blotches. SO why are these people looking. I know the tube is a confined space but it sets up a routine that haunts me all the way to work as I walk along Cheapside. Looks. Stares. Some inconsequential. Some blatant.

Having spent a few days in and around my immediate homely space I am a bit out of practice with the wide world - but the sense of loathing I now feel mirrors the book I have just completed. I suppose if I was the type to see the glass half full I could be really modest and say I was being revered. I just assume the worst and think they are looking with distain. The ones who smirk are worst. Do I assume nothing and be thankful that in a city of 8 million I have been noticed? Or do I cower away and hide. Put a bag over my head. Assume assume. Nothing.

Perhaps my paranoia has been driven by lack of contact with chums et al. Maybe it has been sparked by the suggestion that whilst on my up and coming course I hold up a mirror to myself and see myself as others see me. Not sure I like it. Not sure I really understand how people do see me. I am very aware of my faults. My perceived snootiness. I am aloof - I use coolness to hide total lack of confidence. I listen to assess as opposed to diving in. You learn more by quiet observation and subtle attention. Then again sometimes my body language/facial expressions give me away.

Maybe today I 'got out of bed the wrong side', so today I did not love myself enough. Then I reach another spiral. Who the hell does love me?

Who do I love?

Maybe the impending year since I split up with a.n. other is creating mental mayhem. But I know I did the right thing. No doubts there. Just unsure what I have accomplished since. I need the course to shake me out of my rut. To prove to myself I can meet new people. I can be my quirky, steadfastedly opinionated self and still make people laugh. With me - not at me. Also to confirm that I can do my job. And better than anyone else.

This mirror better not get dropped. Not sure I can cope with 7 years bad luck.

Anyway other tit bits. Fed up with people who leave the labels on the soles of their shoes. Likewise people who think they can read the paper/a book and walk at the same time. Trust me people you can, but never in a straight line and certainly not at any pace.

Oh yes and yesterday the Labour party rang me. Tony is in Merton tomorrow. I was invited to come along and meet him......

In other news - I have a list of things to do - people to ring. See. Contact. I have a passport to renew. A flight to book. A weeding (SIC) oops I mean wedding outfit to buy. Hotels to book. Season ticket to renew. Train journey to Horsham to plan. Magazine subscription to cancel. Smoking to quit. Haircut to book. Novel to write. Defo friends to call. Defo. Exercise class to join. I think once I start working on the list I will feel more empowered. And happier with myself and therefore content and not so paranoid about the looks. And hopefully my bouncy cheery self! The glass is half full remember. I have much to be grateful for. (please folks can you make sure I knock a few of these off the list)

And my one piece of advice - do not watch a 'life of grime' if you are of a weak constitution...just what one needs after a surprisingly pleasant dinner with a mate and a need to unwind for half an hour before hitting the hay... Summer time and the Beeb are struggling! Mice. Maggots. Pigeon poo. Nice!!

Rambles through my mind complete for now. Feel happier than I did earlier today. More at ease once more. That glass of red must have helped a treat. Or perhaps the 8 mile walk I managed to accumulate today cleared the old noggin... healthy body - healthy mind. Right time for bed and sweet dreams... got to find the right side to get out of tomorrow though!