What does it take?

May Ball

Means a new dress .. thanks M&S...

6-0-6: Gillingham 1 v Shrewsbury 0

It's Bank Holiday Monday evening and I am catching up with Radio 5 and 6-0-6 with Alan Green as first aired on Saturday pm, yes the evening when for a change my team got lots of mentions. Listening to the commentary play back of the goal has had me jumping out of my seat as per Saturday. And they just keep playing that snippet... it's GREAT!!!

Alan Green has even said we deserved to win it!! Hooray! He is listing the clubs we get to play next season - Norwich, Southampton, Charlton amongst some new names.. but it does pose a great set of away days next season - Bristol Rovers, Exeter, MK Dons, Orient, Millwall - lots within reach.. brilliant.

But how was my version of the day?
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I woke up at 7.30 and it was with dread - I stayed in bed til 8ish. Then I had to get up. Wash. Think about camera batteries, mobile phone battery, memory cards etc etc. Weather check. Breakfast... mm. Could barely eat. Tea went down OK. But food. I was far too nervous. Hanging out washing helped.

I left the house later than I had aimed for. 10.30am became 11am. I'd been listening to Radio Kent on the Internet. Shop for a paper and gum. Extend my travel card for Zone 4. Tube. It was 11.11

I bump into my first fellow Gills fan at Tooting Broadway. Don't recall seeing him on Tuesday evenings! Change at the Elephant for Bakerloo Line. Day trippers in blue - the tube is all new to them. As more krbs.com shirts join me my nerves get more acute. By the time of the Met Line I am practically shaking. Where have all these fans come from?! Where were they at Exeter? Priestfield on cold Tuesday evenings? Wives/mothers who are dressed as if going to an Auntie's birthday party - but with a Gills scarf round neck. They look at me as if I am odd. I put that down to my nervous palour and being by myself dressed in a very vintage shirt. Younger kids who have painted faces are very excited. I envy them. I suspect my excitement has been dampened by memories of loss. Being 2 up and losing it to Man City in 1999 still haunts me. Really distraught. Okay so the following year we went up via beating Wigan. But defeat when so close is really hard to stomach. Worse even than relegation - and I've felt that too - at Forest and Leeds.

So I arrive at the all new Wembley Stadium. It's been my dream since the old Wembley was taken down to return and watch my team in a play-off. And here I am. It's just gone noon. The crowds are thin but you can sense the anticipation.

Wembley Way has lost its charm. It's basically an exposed subway... or maybe it's because I am on my own and have not yet had a beer.

I then check the view and there they are - the coaches from Kent arriving. Somewhere in all those is my Pops.

We hook up, me sat on a kerb waiting to see him come strolling across the tarmac. As I wait I am struck by the friendships being re-affirmed or long lost chums being re-united by the event. It's great to see. And the hats! Some tall and some floppy. And then having hugged my dad and checked his trip was okay we see a VIP coach arriving - its the TEAM!! I run over with my scarf aloft - wishing them well...

The sun comes out and fills the skies over the Wembley arch. Not happy about being below Millwall mind!

I persuade Pops to take a picture of me. I have one similar from 2000 ... I was less nervous then... and its a proper photo cos digital cameras weren't a necessity then... and it was raining/drizzle.

I see Lovegod larger than when I last saw him. He goes straight in and heads for the bar I suppose. Dad keeps bumping into old work colleagues. I look out for the twins, Pie family, Colin and Arfur but to no avail. We finally go in via the electronic ticket turnstiles. Body and bag check.. and finally BEER!!! I drink my first as if in a desert...and then we have another. My nerves lessen.. toilet stop and to our seats we go... behind the goal - practically a similar spot to where we sit in the Rainham End..

Pomp and ceremony, national anthem... red carpets ... and then 90 minutes.

We far and away out played them first half. We had chances but did not convert. But we were passing the ball - looking solid at the back - as the team got more comfortable with the space, they dominated it more. But we did not score. Half time. The lack of a goal adds to my tension. Have we missed our opportunity? By then I tuck into a much needed cheese roll... and here we go again.. the second half Shrewsbury come back into it.. but everything they try they don't manage to do properly. Royce makes a few plum saves - as ever, and we keep trying to win back the ball.. the screen shows 87 mins. There are 3 minutes to go. I am resigned to extra-time and the stress of penalties. We haven't made any substitutions so should come out the better side. But the Gills keep pressing.. a corner is awarded...

OH MY LORD!!!! It goes in. Simeon Jackson heads it in. Disbelief then total joy fills my heart. Everyone is going mental. Hugging and jumping up and down. It was the 90th min. 3 minutes added time. Please ref blow the WHISTLE!!!!!

He does and the Gillingham fans explode... its incredible - its perfect! We did it!!!

Celebrations....

Congratulations...!

The jubilant team...

Collecting the cup.

Fanfares

Team elation... ! Winners in 2009 - at Wembley with 35,000 fans to witness it. Where will they be come December when we are playing in the rain etc. But for now who cares?

We did have to endure Gills fans facing off in the first half - spirits running high. The three chaps in front of us were bitching about plastic fans.. but then leave just before half time and fail to return for the start of the second half. Too many pints means too much time in the loo... and the aggressive vitriol .. it upsets me. Who are they to say whether I am passionate or not? I have had a season ticket now for nearly 10 years. I have a tattoo on my bum. I go when its not glamorous to do so. The Gills are as much a part of my life as eating and drinking. Its something I share with my Pops - our bonding - but I go even when he is away - its my constant when all around are letting me down. The Gills give me something else to think about. Saturday was a dream come true and how often does that happen? I am still savouring it now.

We left the stadium elated. Dad beetled off to his coach and I ambled to the tube station just drinking in the atmosphere and sunshine. I even bought a flag! Tsk! It felt great to be a Gills fan - it felt great to have these moments.

So to next season... be counting down the days til the fixtures are announced and then the start of the roller coaster again... UP THE GILLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Wealthy Vibration

Activities occurring within your home and family situation, karen, are going to bring you a chance to enhance your income. Midweek, Mars sextiles both Jupiter and Neptune, which suggests a number of possible scenarios. First, you may want to pull some money out of thin air in order to get your best DIY projects up and running. These influences are fabulous for idea generation and for brainstorming. Second, don't overestimate your financial resources if you are thinking of moving or buying a new property. Be realistic. Having both Jupiter and Neptune in your personal financial zone suggests that you have potential access to vast hoards of money, but in order to attract it to yourself, you need to be in the right frame of mind, giving out a vibration of wealth and abundance. Otherwise, you may find yourself hoping for the best and not getting anywhere. Frame of mind is everything in your case, especially if you want a better quality of life. Mercury turns direct on Saturday, which will help all commercial matters to flow more smoothly. Communication will be a lot easier all around. Mars moves into your love affairs zone on Sunday, bringing a new zest for dating and romance.

Winners!

Go Gills!

Gills!

Go the Gills!

Up the Gills!!

Good up to date news and stories here...

And so the working day ends...

I don't feel either elated or disappointed. Just resigned. My in-box full of stuff. Stuff I could do without. But deal with anyway. I have barely spoken to anyone. Not because I don't want to - but why waste words?

I am cross with myself for piling on pounds... mm back passed 11 stone and not overly pleased with myself. But took decisive action - went to WW to find out the real damage - my home scales are rubbish. It was the incentive I needed. I can lose it again - just cut out the stuff I've been thinking oh its okay I'm in control of that... mmm. One biscuit/cheese related food stuff too many I fear. Or way too much pintage down the pub...

Hey ho walk at lunch. And now swimming. Mind you salad for lunch was a tad uninspiring!!

Oh well - baked spud or something tomorrow lunch!

Patience Pays Off

The event you have been waiting for finally arrives this week, karen, and you are going to breathe a sigh of relief once that long-anticipated occasion happens. On Monday, the radiant Sun in Taurus conjuncts Mercury retrograde trine your personal Zodiac Sign of the resolute Mountain Goat, and you will see one of your most cherished dreams come true. You are very determined, and you never give up, even if you do occasionally become discouraged when your circumstances don't fit your life plan. This week, you receive a wonderful reminder from the Universe that patience pays off and your hard work is always ultimately rewarded. Hooray for your fortitude! You need to scramble on Wednesday as the Moon in impulsive Aries in your sector of home and family is quincunx your ruler, Saturn. You'll run into hidden snags when you attempt to undergo a repair project in your house, which will end up taking longer than you thought. Whether you are trying to fix a leaky faucet or patch up crumbling molding on your kitchen window, once you take out your work tools, you are going to be busy for quite some time. Consider asking a friend or relative for assistance.

Workwise, here's a likely week for fire-fighting. If you can find time for research, not least into pettifogging financial matters, so much the better. Saturn's imminent turn-around signals a more accommodating phase through to autumn, during which what you do stays done. Clear the decks. Romance? Warming up.

Month Ahead This is your time to be spontaneous, let your hair down and play more often. Avoid anyone who looks like trying to tie you into their agenda since it won't suit. You need to be yourself and as flamboyantly as you please. OK so there may be a few old resentments coming back from the past which will unsettle you at home. Try to give yourself space to think them through and clear them out of your mind once and for all. If there are delays at work then take bring your concerns home after hours. Just recognise that it's in the nature of the time and is only temporary. Mid month you'll be trying to unpick a small financial tangle caused largely by being too hopeful or just plain careless. If you can resolve in advance to be utterly clear sighted and realistic then you're less likely to lose out. Getting swept up in a get rich quick scheme or some other pie in the sky idea will only end up in disappointment. In the final days you'll be working hard, sorting out muddles at home successfully and feeling good.

Lucky Days: 3, 4, 12, 13, 22
Yucky Days: 5, 6, 19, 20, 27
Fashion Icon: Helena Christensen
Colour: Off-white
Resist an overwhelming urge to give up on something that’s had so many fits and starts that you’ve lost count. If you did choose to act on any frustrating feelings, you might end up betraying your own integrity-driven nature. Trust that things are in temporary disarray for now. Most everyone’s judgement is severely impaired as a result of the Mercury retrograde phase that lasts between 6 May and 30 of May. Even your stellar objectivity is being affected, so you might want to weigh all external factors over inner sensibility until after the 30th. The New Moon in your work sector brings fresh perspective to an agonizing issue with a colleague. It’s needed resolution for eons, so thank the stars for helping you to work it out. Just don’t put anything into writing until next month if possible. This is not a time for contracts, commitments or new ventures. Stick to the tried and true, or even the old and resurrected—just avoid the new and too good to be true.

New sink

The evidence

Well well

this time last year I was sombre. This year I am on a more even keel. Things are my choice. Things which are not my choice may yet have an end point. And I am certainly not worrying about a slug/snail in my bedroom. Been too busy to blog. Too much else to do rather than dwell on the things which are not quite right in my life.

The change of attitude has allowed more fun back into my life. More expression. If you don't ask you don't get and well I am sort of happy with my lot - for now.

I hate doing this - fearing the minute I write it all down the spells will break - this zen like state will desert me and I will be sobbing once more.

I know where my heart lies. I know where my duty lies. I know in the right situations I can flirt and meet new people without hassle. I know once more that in the right circumstances I can shine and do exist. Will achieve.

Baggy texted from Greece checking the fate of the Gills.

Vice Cop popped into the office to catch up with me the other week. Tops to see him - call again we have a lunch date!

And people who were periphery can be ushered into your life and come with added bonuses so that you remember anything is possible even the chat with someone you admired from a far. For ages! That and then confirmation my sixth sense still strong. Carpetman. Swoon.

I'll wait for the right one, the right time. One day it has to happen.

So... what's new?

What's New?

I appear to have put on a few lbs. Not alarmingly so as my clothes seem fine. But there is a defo expansion somewhere. Nothing a few days walking and excess veg eating cannot cure.

So I last wrote a real entry - when? Ah 31st March 2009

I had been having odd dreams. Those have continued. About people I know; knew and about those I do not. Recent examples include after the Placebo gig Brian M kissing me and telling me his gigs needed more stylish girls like me at his gigs. Ha ha. Dreams huh. That night I also dreamt about my dad in less than well circumstances. I had to wake myself up.
I can reveal though that said man Konrad from the 31st dream has rather brilliantly got in touch via Facebook. He is now in NZ and a lifetime away. And yet not.

So what have you missed?

So April. Ah yes April. After a good fortnight on leave I returned to work to the chaos and the malaise. Its fair to say it took me a good while to get back into the swing of work. I felt un-required and frankly wondered what my role was. This though did not last as cubes and people started to take greater attention once more. The of course First Man went on holiday. In fact most of IT went on holiday in April so for much of the month I was in charge of half a team. It did mean I could get on.

28th March I went to Brentford. What the photo fails to tell you is that the weather at half time was AWFUL!! Hail and the like. The cheer leaders carried on as did the youth penalty taking. I sat next to two very annoying children and then unable to control them father. Pity as I had had a totally different experience on the train from Clapham Jct to Brentford. A father and son more than happy to chat with me. They even followed me to the ground. Why do I feel as if I have already shared this. Ah re-read 31st and I have. Apologies. Age. It's limiting. Result for those interested 1-1.

The F1 season then began. Sunday mornings - half asleep Grand Prix - Jenson winning in Melbourne. Yeehah!

I missed the Actor's play but did catch up with many old faces from The Nelson. 3rd April in the Princess Royal. Good to see Karen/Paul/Maria and Taff/Pablo. Even had a decent convo with Craig.

4th April. Felt so utterly full of despair and loathing decide not to go to Gillingham. They lose 0-2 to Barnet. Spend most of day in bed.

Malaysian Grand Prix. Rain. Jenson still winner. Half a race mind you! This was also the Sunday I had another on my break downs. I was happy to cook a banana cake but my efforts at cooking onion soup drove me sobbing to the sofa and the realisation I had no-one to call and talk too. Very down and out.

Swimming continues each Monday that is not a Bank Holiday. 40 lengths the standard.

7th April Diagnosis S.. yes the landlord sent someone round to check my sink/work top. It was agreed the tap was leaking the work surface rotten from the damp and it all needed changing.

Later that evening 6 pints with First Man and finally some discussion about the behaviour 2/3rd April. Realisation that the big D isn't going to be plain sailing. Not a good situation for anyone. Resolved to plough on doing my job to best of ability. First Man then on leave until last week of April so am able to do so.

Easter.

Mmm. Good Friday. The Tup. Not a great day. Sparky on slide.

Easter Saturday invest in an all singing all dancing new stereo which allows me to record cassettes to MP3 - all hail Bananarama 'True Confessions'; Neneh Cherry 'Raw Like Sushi'; The Beloved 'Happy'; THEN JERICO 'BIG AREA'. I never had it so good! Does mean I really need to get to Weir Road and recycle certain items.

Easter Sunday. I guess I went for a walk. Listened to Archers. Or something.

Easter Monday. Gillingham for Gills vs the Daggers. Result 2-1 - great atmosphere! Home eventually after spending 6 of my 8 hours on public rail replacement buses and other varied transports I arrive back at CW gasping. Go to Tup. Get beer. Sparky and Dog already there and Adie turns up after I buy a second round cos I need a drink and have the next day off. Adie starts talking about this geezer Mark Shaw wants to do some local gigs. He lives in Tooting so meets Mark quite frequently. Apparently is often seen being given blow jobs outside one of the local pubs up there. Mark S not Aide. Anyway news of my long lost hero excites me. Even if his outside sporting tastes don't altogether have the same effect. I imagine him to be not quite the dream boat he once was... So watch this space for news of me perhaps finally meeting hero. Anyway too much laughter create derision. Sparky storms off to the chip shop and I am left watching as he gets in his car and I am basically ignored and walked away from. I say and do nothing. Mentally my two fingers are raised and the prospect of an evening in peace is preferred.

Tues 14th April. Day Off. Rains. I get a laminated card from Oz. A requiem to Sparky's mum. I take it as a sign not to give up just yet and call him. I cook chops in the evening and try to get him to talk to me. Blood. Stones.

15th April. Payday. Work and half day - Museum of London (being refurb-ed so wait until next year for the full experience.) 6pm a rather sumptuous dinner at the Oxo Tower restaurant with a known admirer. Scallops were amazing. Also turns out to be the day my sink top is replaced. Not yet the rest of the kitchen... Jackie and his mate are on top form when I stagger in through the door at 9pm.



Rest of week passes. Chesterfield 0-1 Gillingham. Chinese Grand Prix on 19th.

Wed 22nd April walk home for the first time this year. My knee holds up and it feels good to have managed it in around 2 hours as per normal.

Thurs 23rd - Wetherspoons with Sparky; Swansea Jack and Paul M. Not bad. Paul and I were making most of Real Ale Festival. Yum yum!

Fri 24th April - Dress Down Friday. Sun shining. Busy. The Tup. And erm proof that life can be stranger than fiction but also a total joy. I had a few beers met a few people and watched as van loads of cops turned up. I then rang my family in Oz and started to unravel the holiday that was in progress. Mmm.


Sat 25th April- Gillingham 0-0 Bury we played well deserved the result in the 2nd half. Not to be sadly. MAny HAppy Returns known admirer and Gary O'Reilly really made an effort on Fighting Talk!


Sun 26th April - Bahrain Grand Prix - Jenson does it again. Hooray!

Tue 28th April - I get to spend the afternoon with Camilla and baby Benedict. It was ace - a real tonic.

Wed 29th April - Dan's leaving drinks at the Distillers.

Thu 30th April - Dan's last day I give the leaving speech to wish him well. I thought it was quite good!

Fri 1st May - Ma and Pa return home from Australia.

Sat 2nd May - I drag Pops up to Rochdale for the Gills' last league game of the season!!
And the month May begins with Play Offs and Placebo. Marvellous.

Recommended on TV

English Heritage #4. Full Steam Ahead. A profile of the renovation of - Kings Cross

Absorbing to understand the scale of the site and see how it will compare to the hugely successful St Pancras. Brackets and booking halls seem the biggest bone of contention. Check out the meeting styles (no notes; no action points; use of hunour to capture a reaction) too - all too familiar. No wonder this country is so backward at coming forwards.

Can they cuttings it?

My refilled planter!

Leave it alone slugs.

Set List...last night!

Kitty Litter*
Ashtray Heart*
Battle For The Sun*
For What It's Worth*
Black-Eyed
Speak in Tongues*
Follow The Cops Back Home
Every You Every Me
Julien*
Special Needs
The Never-Ending Why*
Devil in the Details*
Happy You're Gone*
Meds
Come Undone*
Special K
Song To Say Goodbye
--
Infra-Red
Wouldn't It Be Good (Nik Kershaw cover)*
Bitter End
--
Taste in Men
*new tracks...new album early June!

I will battle for the sun

Placebo. My killers. My lovers. Live and ace!

Pitch invasion

And wembley here we come!

Come on boys

Best get familiar!

Up the Gills!