Moods...

I have a few... and the last week or so I have been very very dark. In fact tomorrow heralds a fortnight of self doubt/fears/loathing/ irritability etc etc. What is going on?

The weather ... well this time last year I was bemoaning the heat. This month has been mad - floods and city centre's deluged. Frightening in fact. In a ground floor flat I would have little chance to save much...

Me at work - severe self doubt. Finally getting back into my stride - in charge this week. Deep ends. This morning started well - I poured orange juice over my cornflakes. I got an early tube which took forever so I was in at 9.27am which annoyed me - when at the helm need to set the standard. And and and. All in all little things which I need to deal with better.

Me at the weekends - confining myself to barracks. Not even a walk.

I need a kick up the backside. I today decided I perhaps needed a spa weekend - to treat myself and revive my brain cells and pamper my bod.

Well tomorrow is midweek and I'm meeting a chum after work - which I am looking forward too...and I did make a few differences today ... somewhere.

Have I

shared yet the joy of a) a new MP3 player? b) the discovery of audible books which I can download to said new MP3? No ... well let me fill ya all in...

got a new MP3 player - Creative Vision M and compared to my last one its a dream! When I installed software etc I was entitled to a free trial of Audio Books - I already consumed Gordon Ramsay's 'Humble Pie' and next up is Alex James' 'A Bit of Blur'... great to listen to, learn and drown out the neighbours!!!

Nice!

Work

everyone here/there is contending with house purchasing and for the not yet marrieds - engagement.

So I have been contemplating marriage. And home ownership. But first tying the knot...

In my contemplation I realised I am actually a bit of a huge commitmentphobe!! HUGELY protective of my space and identity. Can you marry and retain that? Do people still marry for love? Part of me hopes so - but another part of me, cynical and 'wise', suspect not. Quality company and loyalty would be nice. A trusted soul mate to share news and views with. Someone who tells you everything and is honest about their thoughts and what they have been up too.

Have I experienced enough to make a decision yet? Do I need to do more things sans Mr before becoming half of a couple?
Conversely life is short so why not take a chance and see what happens. What is the worst that can happen?

As ever there are more questions than answers and the more I ask the less I know the answer...and as with so many things there are no guarantees...

Buying a pad on the other hand. Got home tonight to find a dead mouse in the kitchen. Joy. That and the damp smell and a fast lack of space to be me it sounds more appealing by the minute.

Things come in 3's

Well accidents do.

Friday am a car collided with barriers outside work and ended up on its roof. Saturday while sat in the curry house there was a loud crunching noise and a car had collided with a wall and then yesterday morning Colliers Wood high street closed cos of another car smash - and Radio 5 Live travel even cited it!!

Nice.

Now I know another reason why I don't want a car. Or indeed a cart.

He did it!

Well done Tim! Only just caught up with the scores... !

Come on Tim!!

I have just watched the most exciting game of tennis for a long while .. and it's not over yet!!

Come On Tim!

Though I was torn as Moya was quite a hunky chap...but not quite a Rafter or a Cash!! :-)

So they have gone off 2 sets a piece - 5 games a piece in the final set.... oooh ah!! Shame I will miss the outcome by being at work tomorrow - BOO! Here's hoping he can progress to Round 2 AND you never know - even further!!

10 years ago

today I was en route to Glastonbury! Aah the exuberance of youth! I will share my memories over the course of the weekend while I camp out in my mice & moth infested front room!

Please though do enjoy the longest day - try to forget the days do start to get shorter from here on in, and, that so far, the best summer we have had was in April!?

UTG!

So Matty has finally departed - not this mortal coil - just the mecca Priestfield. Off to Wolves he goes. Well he went yesterday...

Good luck mate - you served us well I will never forget your cheeky smile at Fleet Service Station.

And as one goes - so yet more join?!?! Eeek! Striker Delroy Facey (Rotherham) and midfielders Barry Cogan (Barnet) and Aaron Brown (Swindon) all arrived on free transfers. Free. I wonder if the three frees can help thaw the talent freezr we have suffered for too long...?

Well with fixtures out and season ticket applications in the post - the countdown begins. It sounds feeble but I really am feeling the lack of football at the moment. The weekends have become a waste land of TV and sleep. Not good for my mood or my soul.

So ...51 days and counting....

In an attempt

to restore myself to sunny persona and not my current gloomy persona, I have dressed today the exact way I did last Wednesday. I am hoping if I can rerun today to a better conclusion than last Wednesday I will have banished my demons.

Then again I suspect there are several underlying issues I need to address...

You have got a great urge to get away from ruts and routines, from tedious chores, boring people and fly a little bit higher. You will want to broaden your horizons, however you can. Travel would suit you best but there are other ways to keep you interest engaged. In demand at the moment for your bright ideas, witty way with words, and diplomatic knack of putting others at ease, you will be guaranteed a positive response almost everywhere you go.

On a positive note ... mmm. Can't think of any at the moment...!!

What car?

The replacement? It really is a van with windows!

News

Season ticket prices announced! Season fixtures announced! Carling Cup first round announced - Watford! Hooray! Which is good as for the last few days I have had my head in a fog (not helped by a full on collision with bath taps - luckily the bruise I expected round my eye did not appear) and feeling decidedly unworthy. For every up there is a down - my current down is while I stumble around finding my feet in my new job role... I will get there. I will survive this league.

Yes - I really was there!

One of the official photos from the evening! I will add up a few more of my views later!

Greetings

From the top of the Gherkin!

TheLondonBuzz

Finished 'Digging for America' this evening - so resorted to The London Paper - where I read with slight bemusement that Martine McCutcheon had given Mark Shaw false mobile numbers - the poor bloke is said to be heart broken! That's news in London folks!!?

Fruit

Just woken from Tues pm haze by an ad for Waitrose - local producers from the village I grew up in, and YES spelt correctly!! Apple cider delivered to Ramsgate! Go Teynham and local farmers... which leads me to my other point of the day. In Sainsos - watched little Billy pick up pears and then drop them from a great height back into the display. Equals bruised pears and a lack of respect for fruit. Coupled with a puny punnet of raspberries retailed for 2 quid - we were never paid that per punnet when we picked them in the summer months and the condition of the little berries was not good. You just can't beat picking your berries fresh and straight off the fruiting bush - in the sun, home grown tasting of pure sunshine.

Goes to prove you can take the girl out of Kent but you can't take the Kent out of the girl...

Coor!

Just watched Peter and Dan Snow: 20th Century...Battlefields. And Dan Snow is a bit of a sort!! Subject matter - well aside from aeroplanes - war sucks no matter how many times man fails to prevent it...

Otherwise ... good evening. Until tomorrow!

Farewell...

My parents have broken the news that they are saying goodbye to the trusty countryman Montego... a family friend which saw my brother and I to various University addresses packed to the rafters with our worldly goods...

My fondest memories are of Dad & I sat at Mildenhall (on the roof) watching harriers doing bomb runs - nice and low and loud! And the end of Fairford days - sat in the boot drinking coffee and demolishing whatever food was left - talking about the days aircraft and savouring the late July evening sun. A familiar sight - the sight of Mum and Dad arriving - a little warm glow. And the dogs who have travelled in style in the back. And the Chrstmas Eve lunchtimes when Mum has zoomed off in it cos Dad & I had over drunk ourselves..oops

Goodbye dear car - I hope you go to a friendly home and share as much with them as you have with us - all 13 years worth of our lives...

Monday..

means WW! Not been for a while so imagine my delight when I weighed in at 10st 7lbs!!! My lowest yet! And 3 lbs under my target loss. Me happy! Esp after some fairly boozy evenings.

That and the Gills have bought some players... eek! still no news on the season ticket prices yet mind you... So Simon King (a defender) joins from Barnet (I thought he was a wildlife photographer!?) as does Craig Armstrong (a defender) from Cheltenham. Shore up the defence - I hope it works!!

Otherwise sat and put photos of my USA trip into albums at the weekend - bought back some really vivid memories which may indeed help continuation of my great unfinished novel. Though I think it really more of elongated blog!!

Wherefore art thou?

I miss your comments a Known Admirer. I miss our lunch hours. I miss my friend. Please can we talk about this and get back on form. Bring Robert Morley and Mozzquito if it helps...

If it relates to the May Ball - then at least let me listen so I can understand.. explain/apologise even.

It is done

See link on left! A taster at least!

Stuff.

Must stop spending cash.. today a pair of wedgie sandals which no doubt in the real world not the shop floor will hurt like hell...

The weather has not lived up to expectation the last few days - no sunshine and bit chilly if not in the right clobber. I have put my vest back on. Nice!

Tomorrow is my appraisal. When I first read the form I was really proud of myself. By the this morning I had worked out all the negative bits are was pondering those all day. Oh well. Tomorrow - discuss.

Facebook has been moderately entertaining. There is a certain addictiveness to it.. but I have changed my profile picture as I was inwardly comparing myself to everyone else's mates. Must learn to not do that.

And I am now going to create a 'creative writing blog' - so look out for a link shortly. Ta taa.

Legs

And knees!

I did

go to Next last night and bought a RED SUIT!! Oops! Does that count as news?!

Skirt and jacket - no trousers to be seen either?! Nice!

Ordinary Days

Mean no real news apart from having to barricade the skirting board behind the fridge and freezer with 4 lemonade and water bottles. I could hear the little blighters trying to get through, but since Sunday I think they have been prevented in their mission. Bought more bait just in case.

I am thoroughly enjoying the Anne Tyler book - 'Digging for America'. Her observational prose is superb. Highly recommend reading it.

Today sees me in a dress - with my legs exposed - radical huh! I have finally booked some days off (to go walking with my Mum - so look out for the reports in July) and also to spend time with bro and sis-in-law in August.

No news from the Gillingham FC camp about players or indeed season ticket prices. Typical.

Otherwise the flurry that was my weekend has quietened - which is as well as I am being handed over the next big project and can see June/July being pretty hectic in the world of work. That and plenty of after work walking keeps me busy. Did manage to completely re-build my MP3 player and reload all my tracks and it seems a lot happier. Am avoiding BB. Am wondering if England can do remarkable things this evening. Am wondering when the next big flurry will be.

Am content.

Olympics Logo

has everyone going apoplectic... here are some alternatives and I have to say there a few decent ones amongst this little lot..

the official one reminds me of the Apprentice STREET brand.. oh dear.

Sleep

Got up at 11.15am after listening to the tragic events in Ambridge. After a wash, some breakfast, some pottering - I settled down to read a book. That was 3pm. By 3.05pm I was fast asleep. I woke up again at 6.30pm. I clearly needed some proper deep sleep. Some weird old dreams.

At 9.35pm this evening my neighbours returned.... EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKK. And now still having not completed the work I was supposed to do I am going to hit the hay... Yawn, yawn, yawn.

Too much

blogging means the thing I was supposed to be doing has not been done... yes I was supposed to be writing Section 1 of my apprasial, part of my career development within the firm (have I qualified as a solicitor yet? no!), for my appraisal is this coming Friday.
Oh well tomorrow is a new fresh and clear headed day - probably a better day to start trying to work out what pearls of wisdom I need to reflect upon. Guessing that my tube time chats from last night won't be relevant either! Though it shows people skills - obtaining information from reluctant sources...

I suspect I would have made a good detective.

I so hate writing about myself too.

Draw

Last night I got quite drunk and talked a lot and listened even more. But last night I reconfirmed (or had reconfirmed to me) my basic character. Then I took that and threw it on its head! Well sort of. Farringdon to Moorgate had quite few England fans on the tube homeward bound from Wembley and for some inexplicable reason I just wanted to talk footie (having stood outside a pub all night before realising in the 82nd min - my first loo stop, see - that it was on inside!) so I asked a chap standing in the doorway what the score had been,
"I take it we won?",
Startled look - no-one talks on a tube, and certainly not a female to a group of relatively plain looking chaps about footie,
"Grunt".
"How was the Wembley experience?",
"OK but still got this stupid bloody journey home after waiting for a tube for ages at Wembley",
"How was Beckham? Worth his place?",
"Not really, well you know",
"So was it actually a good game",
"Not really".
At which point I reached for the Premiership dosh soap box and stood on it.
"Bit like your average Premiership game then? Overpaid Man U and Chelsea players not bothering?"
"You wot?"... suddenly the lights were on and the thought processes behind the eyes were along the lines of she may well be a girl and this may well be a tube and I may be talking to a stranger on it, but I have to defend my beloved Chelsea. "Wot's wrong with Chelsea? Who do you support then?"
I should know better but there are certain arguments that no-one can win but I do like to see them squirm. "Gillingham. Season ticket holder as it goes so I understand the stress of travel. I just resent all the money in your division."
"It could happen to you - we were shite once and then we got a rich man in and now look..."
I resisted saying 'yeah and you are still shite judging from the FA Cup performance' and instead played a safety shot,"Mmm. Your rich man probably only wants your expensive Chelsea plot of land. Who in their right mind invests in teams which are not in big cities? And certainly ones in the out posts of Kent? We need your greedy gits to share a little of the wealth..."
At which point it was Moorgate, I wished them a good evening and alighted.

Alive and feeling on top of the world.

There are certain days when you travel the tube and you really do believe anything is possible. Last night I felt like that. I thought everyone could just shake their neighbours hand and smile. Spread some happiness for a change. Let the commuter scowl drop and see each other as human beings. Individuals.

As it was an older bloke got on at Bank and sat next to me - his son opposite and a bit worried about his dad being on a tube. The chap had a programme from the England game. And there were ticks next to which Brazil players had played. I had my earphones on at this point and ordinarily I would have left it that way... but my dad does that ticks them off. And I wanted to share my vibe for football a bit more. No fights this time I just pointed to the programme and said 'My dad does that, not quite sure what he thinks he is going to do with all those stats but its a weekly habit pre each match' - to which the chap looked a bit taken aback and when he worked out I wasn't a total loony he pointed at his grinning son and said, 'oh yes so does he'. And so I spent the next 30 minutes talking about football... he a Fulham fan. He was not as defensive as my earlier subject and seemed to rue also the shape the sport has taken.

I felt quite elated as I wandered home. The texts I had been trying to send finally went and I felt as if London was my playground once more - not my prison. I realised that without my Gills shirt and hat I was more confident to talk about - I suppose because I looked less likely to care about such matters. Oh yeah and I was drunk and I hadn't spend loads of money and time to go to the game! That perhaps explains my less conversational stance when I go to Gills games... who knows. Maybe team conversations have to focus on stats and predictions - which I fear is definitely a more male past-time. Was good to feel part of something though - football and England.

All that and England drew. Needless to say a Beckham cross was punted in by the Chelsea captain.
Where would we be without these high quality ex Man U players and Chelsea ones?!

Happy chops!

And mash...

June 2nd 2001

So now the tally is 6 years. And today felt the same in so many ways - the weather, the general well being in my own mind.. and thankfully it was not an aggressive day or indeed a day of blame. Today was about 6 years of knowing each other and recognising our strength as friends.

Thank you Mr Squeezy x

Spills, Thrills and Bellyaches

Kind of sums up the current Karoona mood.

SPILLS: Thanks to the Beeb website for this story - Danny Spiller to go to Charlton. Well its a small step up from Millwall... and it paves the way for Pardew to take what were our golden pair - Spills 'n' Jarvis.

THRILLS: It must be the time of year, the weather or something in the water but I just seems to be having thrilling conversations with people (OK, men) with whom I have not spoken too in a long while or to whom I have not really tried to speak to like this for a long time. It feels as if earlier chapters were not quite finished properly and need a small re-write or maybe a total revisit, whilst the current chapters reveal the sorts of plots they could take even though it is improbable that they will. But to suddenly be having open and frank conversations with these particular people is really putting a glint into my eye. I feel really alive and happier than ever to be me...

BELLYACHES: Friday night, Bishops Finger pub. Too many Masterbrews - need I say more?

But...

THE MICE ARE BACK... surprise surprise...

Still in doghouse

BUT ignoring me won't help.

Two nights

out with friends - a social life is unfolding... !!! And of course by publishing it, it will promptly end!

Wednesday night I was 'dragged' into the local pub, following my weekly shop, and gripe at fellow shoppers in the local SavaCentre, and discussed music and revolution - well mainly revolution actually. It was really good to catch up with a few of the locals and hear all about the projects they are doing in the local area - live music being the primary focus and bringing back a sense of community to the local pubs plus the campaign against building more hideous buildings by the Wandle at Merton Abbey Mills... Either way my 'quick' white wine turned into several and missing The Apprentice and getting to bed just afore midnight. Consequently today has been slightly harder than usual.. oh well.

Then this evening I got a text message from someone I haven't seen in years! Can you see the truth Baggy?! One of my more avid commenter's was in the Waterloo area so we caught up for a pint (cured hangover instantly) and general rant against football, music and why the devil life is the way it is and a short sweep stake and when we are likely to meet for a nother beer!! 2012 on current form!! Good to see ya mate and I still think England will lose against Estonia!! :-)

So the sun is out and the birds are singing.. spring has sprung and life is kinda sweet... so many choices so little time (and that's just pubs to smoke in before 1st July!!)

AND AND my neighbours are still away and the peace is BLISS!!!!! Just typical I have hardly been there to appreciate it fully!