Mobile Phones ---- Trains

this is a plea - people leave your conversations for another place!! no wonder they invented the personal stereo - mind you even that didn't drown out all the conversations on the train... blah blah blah.. stop it please!!

that said whether it be the fact i was in work on time - or the fact i have a four day week - i am not sure, but as Monday's go this has been a pleasant one. heard from the elusive one which i guess cheered me. that justifies mobile phones - and texts don't interfere with anyone else. didn't say very much but hello is certainly better than cheerio - good bye - be gone with you!

and now its healthy carrot and ginger soup - to maintain my svelte like shape ha ha!!

Hung Up....

cheers Madonna - how could one song sum up so much right now.. how long does one hang on before one hangs up? how many excuses does one create for another...? i need to take some semblance of control back.. beware. All I want is to Get Together....

the main news of the day is though the fact that my team were stuffed 5-0 by Colchester. doomed? 5-0 is truly appalling... Come on Gills - were's the fighting spirit i fell in love with?

walked to Tooting. inbetween the showers - the sky with its contrasting blue sky and evil black clouds... in my Gills hat - how embarrassing???

anyway Confessions on a Dance Floor is rather good... thanks Madonna for letting me dance wildly round the lounge again and glad you took inspiration from my once red hair!! :-) Aaah confessions... one day maybe...

MOTD now - so more considered words tomorrow...

Tuesday..

having overslept .. and starting my day two steps behind when i should have done - it actually turned into something of a good day - cheery. achieved lots and made a key note to myself - do not stay and watch a slice of a film... it not only makes you late for work it also plays on your mind all day. The film was Lawn Dogs. It drew me in because well it was so typically Amercian and yet not so at all. I gave up at 12.30... and all day i wondered what happened to the girl, the 'trailer trash' gardener and the relationships of all the others. The gardener - shot by a cop. Bullets where prevalent and unfaithful adults and the little girl saw it all - but she had such a vivid imagination and just needed a friend to listen. Sounds familiar!

On the train home apart from clapping eyes on a very attractive tall man - who sadly stayed on the train whilst i piled off - i wondered about solititude and greatness. Are the two so interwoven that only by being un-distracted can one be great? If i set my mind to disciplined routines and made myself do the one thing i profress to want more than anything i know i would have to close off my impromptu socialising. Two snatched hours at the end of each day could equate to a lot of pages written. . . but without social interaction what material would i have to work with? past experiences? too personal - for me perhaps not - i have few regrets. But for 'ficitional characters' maybe too close to the bone.

aah Gills are 2-2 with Wycombe - extra time.. heartening to see Byfield, Jarvis and Spiller all playing though - there is hope.

so solitude whilst highly satisfactory has some real come downs. but greatness is a self induced prophecy - and can one decide that greatness is due because of any unease one finds with finding a soul mate? uniqueness? or dullness!? its the time of year - most of the day is spent in darkness, and wherever you turn couples are in hats and scarfs keeping warm next to each to other - i know that what you see and what is really going on is always different - but everywhere you turn Christmas is looming and my thoughts on that are best saved for closer the time. then i can really rant about when solitude becomes bare loneliness.

and when i say greatness i do mean worldwide fame - just a sense that between two covers of a hard back was a piece of work worthy of discussion and consideration now and in the future. Beyond the years beyond even the technical revolution.

I wonder if Pepys would have used a blog in his day?

at least my brother seems happier - settled backinto his routine down under. good to have him back in text communication...

i wonder how other people are at the moment - i feel i need to talk but i also worry that when i get that urge i am being over zealous. anyway i resolved to have a earlier night so for now no more thoughts to share.

Prologue

i have been advised by several close and interesting people that maybe its time to blog. my response - what would i say? who would read? and more to the point - is this really me...

well we shall see....

i like to write and i see a story in every passing day - a small thing can be a huge mental challenge and the day to day stuff - well a new focus point can't hurt can it?

be nice to know on those evenings when i am convinced no-one knows i am here - well maybe someone will....

so..

time zone sorted , i wonder if everyone has the amazing urge to write everything that is on their mind once they have finally taken the plunge and started.. ?

if i were too, i really do not know where i would begin. suffice to say i drank too much on Friday and have scant memories but the ones i have do not maketh me overly proud. losing a day of my life - what a waste. all the words i said or didn't say...

i have forgotten all the rules of being single.. sort of seeing someone and sort of not.. when to phone and when not. when to be open and when to keep ones counsel. when to be totally honest - stop beating round the bush and be completely open. when to keep a secret and when to sing it all from the roof tops. so why does what i do affect anyone else? i guess because that's the nature of day to day life. in all honesty i could just say and do what i want - but then there are always consequences. i am fed up with having to have a strategy and playing by rules. i played by rules for four years.. loyal, faithful, honest and true. walked all over. so now i want to be a bit freer - find a new level to operate on.

i have met some wonderful people in the last 7 months, amongst whom was myself - discovered the parts of life which make me feel content and those that need to be expanded. stretched... ambition over duty. the only duty i have now is too myself... i think...

i do so feel better for my nightly stomp home.. the head whirrs - and here is where i shall share - well the parts which i don't mind anyone seeing/reading!!

until tomorrow assume nothing....

TIME ZONE!?!?!

i am in the UK and am determined that my posts reflect the exact moment a thought was published...
also need to sort out the B key on my keyboard....