Other news..

Well to be fair there is not much to report. I have spent much of my Sunday morning mooning. Can't still get my head round it - but I have to let it lift. I have to re-assert myself. Though its easier to say that at 6pm on a Sunday than at 6pm on a Friday night.

Most of my observation have been logged in my biblical journal. Thanks Planetface - it really is making a difference to me now. Just that totally private place to write and work things through. SO when I last wrote I had been to Bletchley. Wednesday I was also away from work. My mum came to stay midday. Pre that I was doctor bound. My weight loss astounded the nurse. And my blood pressure needed me to regain a 'chilled' demeanour after my quick walk to the surgery. Mum arrived. I did get much out of my system. But perhaps still not enough. The answers don't really lie with anyone else. It's for me to come to terms with it.. despite the short reply I had this week to a forward email. No hopes up. We went clothes shopping. I got a size 10 suit for work. And lost interest. As we wandered round Sainsburys it was the closest I have got to crying.. I could feel it so close to the surface. The emotional roller coaster of the last 6 months getting to the surface. Day to day tasks seeming pointless and hard work. But I held them in. So they remain within. Sign of weakness. Home I butchered my avocado plant so it may survive the bugs that have been killing it and pruned back my fuchsias. Some mending of clothes and then Mum cooked a yummy tea. TV - Junior Apprentice. Mm. Not sure about this concept. But I watched it nevertheless.

Thursday, back to work with a determined air - determined to have a conversation with my boss. The mere thought of it made him nervous. Good.

In the evening I was supposed to go for food and to the BBC radio theatre - but there were more people around available for drinks - so drinks became the evening pursuit. Which reminds me - girls night out next Thursday - need to consider venues and things to do...three pints and a free cider later I was homeward bound at 9pm. Eggs!

Friday to be fair was dress down and I felt a bit rough. Meeting at 9.30 dragged me into the office though. Day passed by quite quickly - meetings and stuff.

Evening. Everyone leaves. Except Lucy so we head for a swift beer at the local. Becomes 2. Walk to Waterloo afterwards and then get train to Wimbledon. The weekend dragging out before me like a curse. I strive for a plan for Saturday at least. Wimbledon to home via BK. Bananas! Ashes to Ashes, Eastenders and bed. After several texts I decide to turn phone off for weekend.

Saturday - walk, washing, shopping, cooking, GP qualification, FA Cup final, Doctor Who, Casualty. bed. I kept busy but even in this state my brain is still semi tuned to another beat. At 8.30pm I relent and turn phone on. Messages and VM but not from the one person I crave it to be from. Edamame!

Today... radio radio out of bed for morning walk whilst listening to the Archers. Home. Wash. FI Monaco Grand Prix - with lunch. The Eastenders Omnibus. Did install my MS office. And now here. I have a list of things to do. But I am avoiding them. Not taking hold of the situation and giving it a nudge. Only I can get myself back to the happy loon I was a few short weeks ago. How did one person make SUCH an impression and leave me feeling so empty?

So I'll carry on listening to the T20 final - hope England can win and do something to sort my list out... ttfn. Karoona