It's the 18th May - on the 18th April, a Sunday I was meeting Mr Y for the third time. A gibbering wreck, not wanting to ruin what we had got going. Ill prepared and unable to tackle the sensation of will it/can it? A month on I wonder if that's what fractured it or something deeper. I still don't know.
Made the mistake of re-reading our email exchanges last night. I still can't quite believe he was so sure he wanted it to end, after all the open and honest things we had shared. The unilateral decision is probably what hurts the most. My right to reply granted and then ignored.
So this morning wearing the blouse I wore that warm and pleasant Sunday I stride out in my new properly fitting suit and listening to Madge - bouncing and feeling pretty cool about myself. Start to believe. The pressure is off at work - boss off for a few days. Already had some tops emails from friends and with the weather lifting and warmth flooding back there is a part of me starting to let it go. Oh so slowly!
Meetings meetings meetings today.. busy. Independent - not alone.. stop the waking feeling of why am I alone taking me over again...
Deep breath. Another day. I am healthy, sort of wise and have everything to aim for.. just need to solidify what that it is!! ttfn
Karoona
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