Mmm. Having run the gauntlet of emotion in this week alone I feel suddenly at peace with my lot as the year draws to a close. The next 5 days are hectic for me and that keeps me focused outwards as opposed to dwelling inwards.
As for the year just gone. It began as ever by myself with a higher than usual level of uncertainty. Some early in the year repairs needed to take place and with careful attention pre-Christmas 2007 fights and fall outs were forgiven and forgotten. 2008 saw me take my worst day of the year in hand and prove that actually just doing the things I enjoy on my birthday are far more rewarding than dashed expectations. Football wise there was little to look forward to - our cup endeavours ending in Nov 07 at Barnet.
Work wise I made it a year of Asst. Manager. Another 12 months in the bosom of the IT department. And then to coincide with that from May onwards I lost my way.
It's fair to say I have had cause to be hidden in the darker areas of my character and been at times extremely untouchable or indeed approachable. I hit the lowest sense of self esteem ever. I took it out those who didn't deserve it and for those who kept asking what was wrong I had no answer. No-one could help me. I was lacking spirit the day I went to Kew with Lisa. I was vile and impatient with my Mum in Paris.
In August I joined the gym, started swimming and lifted myself out and saw things in a different light. I was healing after hurting. I was looking to see how I could improve and change my outlook. Until mid November I was doing rather well. Contrary to what people may have concluded my steep decline was not just down to the harsh reality that Gillingham FC had been relegated back to the bottom division - though the timing did not help lift my spirits.
The end of the year appears to have rallied itself through. I feel more isolated than usual but not in a negative way, more a case of these are my choices and there I somethings I can't change so I have to make the best of what I do have. My inner strength and belief.
This year I hooked up with old acquaintances - from far and wide. Emails between myself and Scott in the US reminded me that no matter what the distance or the level of contact there are truly good people in my life. Vis-a-vis catching up with Baggy in Exeter - a totally relaxing few days and the humour and connection was there despite the totally different day to day lifestyles. Catching up with the Actor was a major achievement. Again the round-about-ness of everything. Seeing my friend Sarah from school days after so many years was also quite heartening. So my life furrow doesn't plough the same way as expected but I am generally okay. (Just spotted that all bar one of these catch ups are with Sagittarians!).
I didn't join up for a learning course. Which disappoints me. Just as well though as work appears to have it in for me. Mustn't grumble in these economic times as job's a good un. The new challenge I seek will find me! I have been a non-smoker for a year (OK I did have one or two at the Christmas do - what is it with Christmas?) and have no desire to return to those old ways. I bought a new camera and that's been the best thing I did! At last! I did not take a proper holiday - again. But that looks to be correcting itself fairly soon.
There has been good news as well as the usual bad news. Possibly the best thing over 2008 was watching Camilla blossom during her pregnancy.
The world outside did not change much - if anything everything started to come home to roost - debts, climate etc. But the US has a new president and Team GB did us proud in Beijing. Sport as ever providing the back drop to my year.
As for now. Well I miss ya Sparky - the friend I cannot see at the moment. The smiley one! It's odd, we had discussed me spending New Year in Sydney - but events conspired to prevent that. I feel a bit at a loss but after 7 years of spending it here alone I'm sure I'll cope! It'll soon be midnight in Oz and I for one will celebrate with you at 1pm GMT! A pint of Porter per chance anyone in the local pub?! A simple perk for being a work today I fear.
And so to all those who have stopped by and posted a comment - I wish you all the best in 2009, and I hope 2008 gave you some highs and some lows to reflect on - but not for too long. Life is too short - so go grab some sunshine and smiles and be sure to post a few more comments and help me on my way in 09!
Cheers!
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