Distracted

This week has been really odd. It has felt like only half of me has really been taking part and the weirdest part is not really knowing where the other half has been. Work wise there has been a sort of stasis pending an important meeting Friday am.

Socially I have been doing the things I enjoy - walking, snapping pix and drinking with chums.

Personally. I have been struggling once again with relationships. The who. The why. The when. Perhaps only half me has been present because I am not really talking about these other influences. But then I tend to not talk too much about me stuff. Bottle it up and throw it in the sea. Maybe someone will get the bottle and manage to read the message inside.

Every once in a while there is a plateau whereby decisions don't need to be actively made - they just are. Then are occasions when you fight to avoid making a decision as you fear the result or you suspect the choice you make will be the one that sets off a whole new chain of events. Then there are the decisions which you actively seek out. Purchases. Hair colours. The less likely to harm your life choices. Then there are the resolves you make but which depend on another to become more than just a resolve.

Currently I am dimly aware that on the horizon I am going to have to decide whether to stay here or depart to other shores. I have to decide how much a value the my current plateau. This is not easy when the mountain peaks around me offer a similar plateau if I am prepared for the upheaval of turning down from this one and ascending a fresh one. I could remain as is. Yet external situations make this unlikely.

To the unknowing these are riddles. The colour lies within the story.

If I had a family member dying a painful death on the other side of the world I would be torn. The stakes are high. A job and its pay, which are already a strain with 12 hour shifts and that have incurred a destination move to a place and a room that are not really my home. A job which I have no control over or any idea when it will cease. The illness on the other side. The pain you know is being suffered. The conversations which mask it. The chats to fellow siblings. The not really knowing - either here or there.

The person who you are closest too here not really at hand and therefore you see in passing so easy to take for granted. The situation you leave behind. The mutual understanding you think you leave behind.
The situation you enter at the other side.

What choice do you make?
This is not my story but that of someone close. It's breaking their heart and driving them deeper into their comforting scene... making them less able to make rational decisions. Making them less easy to reach.

There's another story going on around me which until recently had not been updated. It was a needed venture to hear the next chapter. To understand the behaviour that couldn't be detailed until the moment of explanation.

I am distracted and I am torn.

They are distracted and torn.