Desertion?

Ah Bank Holiday's don't you just love em? Well in truth not sure I do. An extra day to sleep a bit late and not have to get the tube is very good - but short weeks always end up feeling long. I know for a fact I am already dreading my week ahead. Few people in the office and 2 days on a course for which I have failed to fully prepare for.

Weekend generally?

Well I seem to recall leaving the office Friday in a total huff. My key relationships are fast nose diving. In general if I can keep myself occupied on stuff I own/control I feel OK. The rest of the time I feel pulled in various directions, unable to talk to anyone about it and in the main quite unhappy. So the cherry on the cake came at 5.30pm. I am not very good at small talk or pretences. I get the feeling I not overly well liked in certain circles (prob cos I take my job too seriously - against culture) and so I did not attend the birthday drinks I had been invited too, cos in some circles I am liked if not totally understood (sort of the way I like it). I stalked out of the office and wandered down the road, near to tears in my anger and frustration, and made a call.

Thankfully it was a good call.

I walked my usual route to Waterloo and cursed to myself most of the way. Tourists love a raving mad woman walking along the street in puffer waistcoat chatting forcefully to herself.

Train. Wimbledon. Home. Change. Then I ended up in the local for an 'Oompah the night away'. The reason I thought to have a panic attack proved unfounded. Seems my paranoia is unrequired in my local circles. The Oompah band seemed to be there to ensure everyone drank lots. Since exercise has become my new passion beer interests me less and less. Food on the other hand... that's another story.

I had three pints of Fish King and sauntered home.

Saturday. My god toothache, neck ache the works - could barely move. So with wall to wall Olympics I stayed indoors all day. Getting up only to hang washing out and eat lots of 'rubbish'. Oh yeah and go to Boots for hardcore head ache tablets and a new Epilator. As I was saying since I upped the amount of exercise I do I can't seem to stop eating - though I am trying to keep it WW based... not so easy mind you.

Miracle of miracles - Gills won away at Darlington 1-2 in the closing minutes! Amazing!

Saturday evening - TV - erm naff as you like so I spent the evening watching BBC Three Doctor Who's, Series 1, Christopher Eccleston. Yes! Actually better watching them now and seeing the threads in place - still think Chris E has the edge over David T.

So Sunday am. I woke up still feeling like my head had been badly ripped from my shoulders. However in a bid to ease the pain I managed to do my morning walk whilst listening to the Archers. Stu and I had supposed to been Skyping - but he had had a cold and felt as lively as I did. So we postponed. The weather at 10am was none to pleasant. Those light showers and not much bright light. Undeterred I whizzed round - then nipped in Sainso's at 11.15 for fodder - proper stuff - chicken & flagelot bean casserole (lovely) corn on the cobs and some berries for a crumble - YUM!

Home. Epilator testing. Olympics closing ceremony and the European Grand Prix. Finger control was everything this afternoon! Radio 5 on either way! Don;t ask me why but when the London bus came out and the dancers with brollies did their stuff I felt quite overwhelmed. However much I think my piece of life is a bit naff I do have an immense sense of pride at living in London. I am even excited by 2012... bring it on - let's have a party! But then I am sports junkie. Yesterday boxing was actually getting me stressed! Well done James Mcgale on winning Gold. So the closure of Beijing and the hand over to London - Boris Johnson - how? why? Hey ho.

I then spent some time dying my hair - Dark Golden Brown. Total change of tone. Cleaned the bathroom top to toe. Somehow listening to the football wasn't as good as the previous 2 weeks treasures I have heard.

Then a tops tea - ate far too much blackberry, blackcurrant and apple crumble.. but it was all wholesome stuff! iPlayer the Tudors. Then pretty much ready for bed discovered the name of a film from which I had quoted weeks ago 'The Wedding Date'.

Bed. Knocker on BBC7 - tres funny. Oh yeah and the pesky neighbours returned from their travels. BOOOOO.

Monday. Ah Monday the extra day. I finally awoke feeling more myself. However it was much later than I should have done and after a very vivid dream about myself at work. The radio was wall to wall 2012.

At 11ish I managed to get out for my walk - again the weather was not exactly inspiring. Today's shop was about floor cleaner. Dazzling huh! Though I did stray into Debenhams and tried on a Betty Jackson suit - which was nice but the trousers were a tad too short in my humble opinion. It was not until I looked in the mirror that I realised what a state I looked in - oops - my walking attire is quite shabby and I tend to wash afterwards! Oh well. Unfazed by the good people of Wimbledon staring at me I trekked back home. Cleaned my floors (helped on by spilling a vase of flowers everywhere) and then had my lunch/tea while watching Team GB return home..

My biggest problem these few days has been the amount of stuff I wanted to do - books I wanted to read. Films I wanted to watch. Newspaper articles I wanted to read. I failed miserably and not because I was busy being social - far from it - I spoke to one person all weekend. I failed because I am wound up like a spring and my headaches etc are the symptoms of this - telling me to stop, sleep and recharge. Heyho. I tried but my body needed a break. I did start to read 'Stop Thinking, Start Living' as a step forward to confirm I am not going bonkers... need to finish it once I have completed the saga of Lady Chat'ley and Mellors.

I also need to work out what my holiday plans really mean - had an interesting invite... and I still need to sort my course out and yes I am missing the fact I could not go swimming this evening. Grr.

I need a long break. This time last year my brother was over - we had walked to Clapham for beers in the sun. Not so this Bank Holiday Monday. Like so many things from this time last year much has moved on and the aspirations and hopes of then have changed. I feel deadened. Like a tree still standing but not blooming.

I can say tho that my non-smoking continues - my exercise is giving me the buzz I need again to make a major change. Get those buds out again. I miss my mates - all of them, family and friends...they are like the rain to keep the tree well fed and blooming. SO I am seeking additional nourishment from other sources - books, courses and exercise. I will get there. No more standing in the shadows...

Oh yeah I also failed to do my ironing... oh well could be an interesting week at work in the wardrobe department!!