I just stuck my weekly horoscopes onto scheduled publish. Strange. The prediction pretty much fits how I felt by the time I left the office Wednesday evening.
My week should have started OK. I was in a fairly okay mood. Then several minor things happened and I plummeted.
Monday. Early in. Starts well. Then late arrivals, misplaced assumptions and my heart and head sink. I go for a walk Monday lunchtime. Over running meetings prevent my monthly weigh in. Perhaps just as well. So I go for a walk round the block. Maybe to clear head. Maybe to enjoy good weather or more likely to escape. I spend an afternoon listening.
Monday evening I find myself in need of a long and aggressive walk home. I get as far a Balham. I am tired and hot.
Monday evening I find myself in need of a long and aggressive walk home. I get as far a Balham. I am tired and hot.
Tuesday. I spend a morning listening. I spend a jovial lunch with a Known Admirer. I chew on a chicken tikka filled baguette - certainly not the best option from Tiffins. I can't stop looking out the window at the passers by and I suspect I am rude in the process. I can't settle. All morning I have had a dry sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I feel unnecessarily uneasy about things at work and my usual solid mindset has deserted me. Lunch with AKA at least means I can talk about Euro 2008 and books and what I should do about my future. We go to get a set of keys cut. The afternoon is spent catching my breath and getting my head round the corner I am in. At 5.35 I leave - to pick my Mum up from Blackfriars station. I was glad to have bumped into Camilla on the way down. Mum has such affection for my friends and they seem to feel the same towards her.
Mum had come up for a few days respite. That's a slight joke - how she can stay with me, when in the past I have been totally unreasonable I do not know. However we start on a good foot by eating seared tuna and drinking prosecco at Carluccios. We even treat ourselves to desserts. Mm.
Wednesday. I leave Mum at home and free to potter the streets of Merton. My escape plan @ work today - as many meetings as possible. Lunch dissolves into a sarnie at my desk and before I know it its gone 5.30pm and by 6.30pm I am finally ready to trot home. The Apprentice final and tops fodder lovingly prepared by my mum. Yummy paella and roasted fruits for dessert.
Thursday. Day off. Mum and I potter. Hear the dreadful news of a man murdered at Merton Sainso's on Tuesday pm. Go into town on wills mission. Meet Pops and drink and eat. (Spot a theme here?!)
Friday. I walk. I buy vitamins. I buy new boots. I cleanse. I doze. I cook. I iron. I try desperately to switch my brain off to everything. Not so easy.
Saturday. Over sleep. Again. But Euro 2008 Fighting Talk and aeroplanes keep me going... Cook dinner for a friend and sleep like a log.
Today. Sunday. Oh it's like not doing homework until the last minute. The same sick feeling at the pit of the stomach. The stifling panic. Can I pass this test? What will my score be? But this isn't an exam or a test anymore. It's 8 hours of my day for 5 days a week and somehow I have to reconcile myself to what it means. How I fit into it. Whether I do fit into it anymore. And that's just the work part. What of the rest of my life. There are only so many miles you can walk. (Though in my case - not sure that's true either). So today - walking and listening to the Archers, trying not to think just drink up the sunshine. Cook a tops breakie. And settle down for the tennis finals.. interrupted by noisy pigging neighbours.. really must check out the council website... I need help - it's driving me INSANE. No respite here. Anyway - this is really a taster... gonna add a few extra entries.
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