Kick up the arse

was what I got Friday.

No two ways about it. It dawns on me now that indeed there are few people I am answerable too and so to wait and pine and live in some kind of foolish hope is ultimately futile. I knew this before but somewhere along the way I lost sight of it and started to place eggs in a basket that did not exist. I am free. I can therefore do as I please. And so I get round to the question of what. Well that sort of answered itself early this morning. I will go on the self improvement course - shake off these self imposed shackles and then I will take a holiday that doesn't co-incide with something else.. or then again maybe I will. Put myself first for a change...and all the while I seek to avoid being treated like a tap. Called upon when it suits others. What about what I may or may not need?! Never mind Karoona she's so strong she can deal with the lot.. it hurts more when you do try and open the dialogue and for a change try to share stuff with the accuser.. only to be kicked up the arse and made to feel needy.

Silly me. Why do I constantly put myself there.

Hey ho. I feel better already.