Last day of the Year...

Mmm. Having run the gauntlet of emotion in this week alone I feel suddenly at peace with my lot as the year draws to a close. The next 5 days are hectic for me and that keeps me focused outwards as opposed to dwelling inwards.

As for the year just gone. It began as ever by myself with a higher than usual level of uncertainty. Some early in the year repairs needed to take place and with careful attention pre-Christmas 2007 fights and fall outs were forgiven and forgotten. 2008 saw me take my worst day of the year in hand and prove that actually just doing the things I enjoy on my birthday are far more rewarding than dashed expectations. Football wise there was little to look forward to - our cup endeavours ending in Nov 07 at Barnet.

Work wise I made it a year of Asst. Manager. Another 12 months in the bosom of the IT department. And then to coincide with that from May onwards I lost my way.

It's fair to say I have had cause to be hidden in the darker areas of my character and been at times extremely untouchable or indeed approachable. I hit the lowest sense of self esteem ever. I took it out those who didn't deserve it and for those who kept asking what was wrong I had no answer. No-one could help me. I was lacking spirit the day I went to Kew with Lisa. I was vile and impatient with my Mum in Paris.

In August I joined the gym, started swimming and lifted myself out and saw things in a different light. I was healing after hurting. I was looking to see how I could improve and change my outlook. Until mid November I was doing rather well. Contrary to what people may have concluded my steep decline was not just down to the harsh reality that Gillingham FC had been relegated back to the bottom division - though the timing did not help lift my spirits.

The end of the year appears to have rallied itself through. I feel more isolated than usual but not in a negative way, more a case of these are my choices and there I somethings I can't change so I have to make the best of what I do have. My inner strength and belief.

This year I hooked up with old acquaintances - from far and wide. Emails between myself and Scott in the US reminded me that no matter what the distance or the level of contact there are truly good people in my life. Vis-a-vis catching up with Baggy in Exeter - a totally relaxing few days and the humour and connection was there despite the totally different day to day lifestyles. Catching up with the Actor was a major achievement. Again the round-about-ness of everything. Seeing my friend Sarah from school days after so many years was also quite heartening. So my life furrow doesn't plough the same way as expected but I am generally okay. (Just spotted that all bar one of these catch ups are with Sagittarians!).

I didn't join up for a learning course. Which disappoints me. Just as well though as work appears to have it in for me. Mustn't grumble in these economic times as job's a good un. The new challenge I seek will find me! I have been a non-smoker for a year (OK I did have one or two at the Christmas do - what is it with Christmas?) and have no desire to return to those old ways. I bought a new camera and that's been the best thing I did! At last! I did not take a proper holiday - again. But that looks to be correcting itself fairly soon.

There has been good news as well as the usual bad news. Possibly the best thing over 2008 was watching Camilla blossom during her pregnancy.

The world outside did not change much - if anything everything started to come home to roost - debts, climate etc. But the US has a new president and Team GB did us proud in Beijing. Sport as ever providing the back drop to my year.

As for now. Well I miss ya Sparky - the friend I cannot see at the moment. The smiley one! It's odd, we had discussed me spending New Year in Sydney - but events conspired to prevent that. I feel a bit at a loss but after 7 years of spending it here alone I'm sure I'll cope! It'll soon be midnight in Oz and I for one will celebrate with you at 1pm GMT! A pint of Porter per chance anyone in the local pub?! A simple perk for being a work today I fear.

And so to all those who have stopped by and posted a comment - I wish you all the best in 2009, and I hope 2008 gave you some highs and some lows to reflect on - but not for too long. Life is too short - so go grab some sunshine and smiles and be sure to post a few more comments and help me on my way in 09!

Cheers!

Back to work

New Year 2009

It's finally happening, karen! You have waited a long time to put your 2009 resolution list into play, and this week, you can finally get started. You are a prudent Capricorn, and with taskmaster Saturn as your ruling planet, you were ready with your list weeks ago. Now it's just a question of checking each item off your agenda, and you are in business! The year 2009 promises to be a busy year for you energy-wise, especially since Saturn will change signs later this year. In addition, you will experience an Eclipse in your personal Zodiac Sign of the Mountain Goat, and you may discover that your carefully made plans go a bit awry. Keep that in mind as you mentally plot out the goals and dreams you hope will happen for you in the year ahead. Remember, you have a tendency to be a bit stuck to your routine, even if it's not in your own best interest, and an energy shakeup can help move you along your evolutionary path. On Wednesday, New Year's Eve, you receive a small cosmic blessing as Saturn turns retrograde until May. Your anxiety level will simmer down, and you'll feel much more relaxed than usual.

Sun rise

Ah fresh air!

Cold feet...

Merry Christmas!

Have yourselves...

A very cool Yule!

I had a lie in today - BLISS!!

UTG!

NCM!

Is there no end to my work ethic?!

Up the Gills!

And new choppy bob :)

Blimey

The day has flown by!! AND I have managed to get Fin Reporting scope done. AND K+ Project Plan done! Result. Tomorrow will be DHS process diagrams and best practice suggestions.

I have also by sheer fluke got a haircut booked for apres work AND went to WW today to discover I am bang on goal weight - 10st 10lbs! Hooray!! So slim choppy bob will be heading sarf full of beans this evening!!

Welcome to Monday!

The tube and streets were predictably and sumptuously quiet!!
Have plenty to get on with so the day should just fly by... no distractions or points of grief either!!
Just need to get the haircut booked!

Carbon tights

Defo not blue!

Great Magnetism

You seem to be the person to whom everyone is looking this week, karen. You also seem to be very popular. Now that Pluto has recently moved into your sign, you have a newfound magnetism that is attracting all kinds of unlikely people your way. Monday may be quite intense, and you may have to make a decision that will change the way you express or present yourself, but it will be worth it. This festive week promises to be full of fun and games, and you seem to be the one leading the way. Your ideas are the ones that others will follow; what you say has weight. Be ready for some interesting phone calls, visits, or propositions on Wednesday. Make space for the unexpected as it is coming your way. Thursday will be interesting and exciting. You will have many visitors and many well-wishers urging you on to greater things. Family and friends seem ready to acknowledge your greatness. When Mars moves into your sign on Saturday, you will be ready to get moving on your most highly rated projects. Wait until after the New Moon on Saturday, and you will have even more success.

Freakscene

The one benefit of this incredibly mild spell is being able to wear my body warmer - with good pockets so I can use my MP3 player without it throwing a fit cos its moving around too much. SO this weekend I have been mostly checking out the play list I set up months ago - Freakscene..loosely based on the great disco night at university that I attended every Thursday of my second and third year. My word I had forgotten how many great bands there were in my Uni days... Pulp, The House of Love, The Longpigs, Flowered Up, Rage Against the Machine, Supergrass, Blur, Suede (Ah the Drowners!!), Joy Division, New Order, Cocteau Twins, Elastica, Dinosaur Junior, Primal Scream, Hole, The Verve, The Wonder Stuff, The Charlatans, R.E.M, Mansun, Sleeper, The Lemonheads, Lush, Saint Etienne, The Mock Turtles, World of Twist, Pixies, Sugar, The Breeders, Garbage, Dodgy, Ocean Colour Scene, Manic Street Preachers, James, Happy Mondays etc etc. Ah. Quite refreshing and not in a lyrical way more just for the sense of dancing non-stop and loving every minute of it! Carefree indulgence. Beer. Football. Music. That's what life meant. Get on up! Head bang!! Stomping! Bouncing like a pogo! Shake it!

Whoosh

And there it was gone - the weekend over again already..whoosh.

Today I awoke at 7.30am. Got up, stripped bed, put washing on and went for my walk. Home. Shower. Put second load of washing on. Clean bathroom whilst listening to The Archers. Re-make bed. Hang out washing. Wash up. Clean oven whilst listening to Desert Island Discs (James Nesbitt). Noon. Time to hoover the flat. Then some ironing I have been putting off. Prepare food for my tea. Have a cuppa soup. Watch a bit of Eastenders whilst wrapping presents. By which time its nearly 3.30pm. Mm. There goes a day. I decide at 4.30pm to go and listen to the footie. Horizontal and in my bedroom so I can escape the noises from above. Get up at 6ish to warm through my tea and bake an apple. Watch Top Gear on iPlayer. Wash up and now here I am. Nearly 8pm. A whole day without so much as a lazy moment... Feel knackered.

I need a haircut.

Still need to get my Pops something for Xmas.

I think the reason I stay at work till the end and keep doing things when I'm home is so I don't have to stop and think about stuff. It's the time of year to either dwell or regret. Or be jolly as the song says. I intend to keep mulling to a minimum. That's my intention. But going home means 'stopping'. Thanks heavens for footie. It's 90mins to sit still (ish) and be swept away on a tide of something completely unrelated to work/home life - just the success/failure of the team. The train journey down provided me 45 mins to delete the never ending text messages I have accumulated. Am I the only one that does that? Some are 2 years old. The journey back. Radio 5 for the West Ham game and dozing. Easy to do apart from in the tunnels when the 2 sisters who were bickering opposite filled the void with meaningless angry words.

London takes on a different persona over this fortnight. Yesterday morning the tube was rammed. Suitcases. Shoppers. On the move. Victoria Station. Arrivals and many departures. Me, I'm just doing my usual Saturday thing amid evil eyes from Millwall fans, Brentford fans and the other odd Fulham fan loitering around. I find wearing my bright blue Gills scarf does cause stares. BUT wearing a footie scarf does not a yob make. I support my team just like, let's face it, all the overweight middle aged men giving me the stares. To this day can't work it out. Surely we all support the beautiful game?

My Saturday morning started around 7.30am. I leave the house at gone 8.20 so that by the time I get to Wimbledon shops will be opening. I drop plastic bags in for recycling at SavaCentre - its already quite busy. Head for Wimbledon. I need glue to fix something. Then I check with Millet's. Nope that range sent back til summer. I also make a trip into a very depleted Woolworth's. Credit crunch. There. I've said it. The country is falling into an abyss of unpaid debts, job cuts, high energy prices, low VAT and low inflation. I have avoided talking about it much because the daily news feed seems to get more gruesome. I fear having to pay for the mistakes of a nation who took too much for granted. I predicted to my mum anarchy on the streets. A nation not used to getting its own way... That said going round Woolworths was very eerie. The shelves were all practically stripped of their wares. I bought 2 cereal bowls and a milk pan. The same girl served me who served me a few months ago when I bought a couple of birthday cards. What January and 2009 lies ahead for those staff? I walk with my 30% reduced kitchenware and onto Sava Centre for my Saturday shop - mainly for some fresh fruit and food for the rest of the weekend. Home by 10am. I decided to sort fixing up with glue. I don't read the instructions and end up with super sticky glue all over my right hand. I spend a good 10 mins running it under water and trying to remove my rings before the worse happens. I am successful. It dawns on me how such a seemingly small activity could have had major repercussions. I have no desire to visit A&E again for a few more years thanks. I was going to wrap some pressies up and take with me so Dad could take them home. But time runs against me. That and Blue Peter stuck hands. I pack a bag of clothes etc in prep for the days I will be at home. That's always the drawback of not being in you r own place - second guessing the weather and the clothing required to get you through a few days elsewhere. My bag therefore contains my walking gear and spare trainers! I shall be maintaining the walks. Means I can eat an extra mince pie!

Fighting Talk.

Leave house at noon.

Queue for ticket. Train. It smells of vomit. And then fellow passengers eating pasties. Similar smell. I call Sparky even tho its midnight in Sydney. The toddle down to Gillingham. Walk to meet Pops and dump bag into car. We wander back to the ground. It provides a good opportunity for Pops to chat to me and also for me to gauge his walking ability. Arrive. Cups of chocolate all round. Take our seats. Everyone around us is talking about the Cup game tickets. Seems last Monday the ticket office didn't really know what it was doing. Surprise surprise. AM still slightly peeved that not just Season Ticket Holders got first refusal. Typical Scally.

Ah but what a game! We fought really well until a defensive error (of course by Nutter whom I have cursed by saying is cute) led to the softest goal ever. It was so against the run of play. Then Brentford got more defensive. We could have dropped heads, we didn't but we definitely lost the drive of the earlier spell. Half time. Christmas chocolates. Second half - beautiful sunset. Oh and some red card action! Their man went first after raising an elbow to nudge Simon King whilst driving down the right wing. There followed a 20 man brawl whilst the culprit thought that changing out of his shirt into one with no number would help.... ?! It didn't. He walked. Somehow the mighty Jackson scored. And then our captain went native. It was right down the other end so we were unable to comment. Either way within seconds he was red carded too. Much like the sunset earlier everyone was seeing red. Seems that rather daft action rules him out of the Cup game. Which is a right shame cause Mr Fuller does help keep the defense tight. Grr. All in all a highly entertaining 90mins with flashes that against better teams we can raise our game. Just need to keep in under control a bit more. Oh and put away any of the number of chances we also managed in the second half. I spent much of it on my feet. Interesting also how many people turned up yesterday. They cleared smelt the whiff of TV fame... fair weathers.

So home. Tesco for a loaf. Tea. Strictly. I vote for Tom. Part 1 of a Casualty 2 parter. Strictly results show.

Bed.

AstroTurf

** Your Starcast for December 21 to January 18 **

The Winter Solstice is marked each year with the Sun's entrance into practical Capricorn, which occurs this year on December 21. This is a great time to reflect upon the past and make plans for your future. On December 22, the Sun conjuncts Pluto, now located in Capricorn as of last month. Energetic Mars enters Capricorn on December 26 when you have the drive to accomplish anything you set your mind to! Then, the new Moon in Capricorn on December 27 marks a new beginning. When Mars conjuncts Pluto on December 28, direct this powerful energy toward something you want to achieve. Old 2008 ends with a major review, as Saturn turns retrograde on December 31. Then, Mercury's entrance into independent Aquarius on January 1 begins the year with innovative ideas. The planet of love, Venus, enters the most spiritual sign of the zodiac on January 3, reminding you to see beyond human imperfections, and only the best in everyone. Teamwork is your motto as Jupiter's entrance into Aquarius on January 5 shifts the social climate. It's time to join with others to accomplish your personal goals. The full Moon in Cancer on January 10 reminds you to pay attention to your feelings. On January 11, Mercury turns retrograde in Aquarius, and it's time to conduct a thorough review of your plans for the year ahead. Then, retrograde Mercury joins Jupiter in a conjunction when you'll have plenty to say -- and so will everybody else!

December 21: Sun enters Capricorn

The Winter Solstice is marked each year with the Sun's entrance into practical Capricorn. This is a great time to reflect upon the past and make plans for your future as the Sun illumines a pathway toward the achievement of your goals. The earthy practicality and the drive of this sign present an opportunity for you to take your ambitions and really do something with them! Just like Capricorn's symbol the mountain goat, it is time to climb to the top.

December 22: Sun conjuncts Pluto

This is quite an intense and creative conjunction and is prominent in the new Moon that occurs on December 27. Conjunctions mark new beginnings, yet this particular one is so powerful (partly because Mars is close by) that it requires you to be clear about where you direct your energy -- otherwise someone else is likely to take charge. Do what you need to do to make sure you feel empowered. Then, create something amazing!

December 26: Mars enters Capricorn

Energetic Mars in such an achievement-oriented sign gives you the drive and resourcefulness to accomplish just about anything you set your mind to -- be it starting a business, sticking to your diet, writing a book or finding a mate! There are few placements that have the sheer tenacity of this combo, so make a list of what you want and get going!

December 27: New Moon in Capricorn

This is the last new Moon of the year in ambitious Capricorn, which is fitting as you reflect upon this past year and plan for the new one. Strategize and focus on what you want to achieve in the year ahead. With dynamo Mars and powerful Pluto conjunct this new Moon, it will be important to be in charge of your emotions so that you can utilize the driven nature of this combination. Although some will take this energy and try to dominate or railroad people into doing what they want them to do, the best way to use this new Moon is to have plans or projects and pour into them everything you've got! You will be amazed at what you can accomplish!

This new Moon will most affect those born December 25-29, March 26-30, June 26-30 and September 28-October 2.

December 28: Mars conjunct Pluto

This conjunction has a reputation for being power-hungry although a more enlightened way to use this energy is to take its strength and power and direct it toward something you want to achieve. If you play well with others and don't try to run everything by yourself, influential people will align themselves with you. If you are a control freak and have alienated those who could help you, now may be the time to reconsider what you are doing. Be pro-active instead of reactive and you will be miles ahead of most people. Chances are, you'll earn a few extra karma points along the way!

December 31: Saturn turns retrograde

Saturn is the builder planet. As you are creating the life you want, every now and then it's important for you to review your progress and to make sure that where you are headed is still where you want to go. Saturn turns retrograde once a year providing you with the opportunity for this important review. This retrograde period will last until May 17, 2009. For the best results, correct those areas that are built on a shoddy foundation and weed out anything that is no longer relevant to your life.

January 1: Mercury enters Aquarius

If you've never recorded your thoughts in a journal, this is the perfect year to start as the communication planet enters into the sign of the independent thinker on January 1. Aquarius is a sign known for uniqueness and innovation, so make sure you break out of old ways of thinking. This is your chance to get a fresh start in a new year!

January 3: Venus enters Pisces

The planet of love adores being in the soulful sign Pisces. Enough talk! Enough running around! Words and busy-ness are antithetical to this transit, which lasts until February 3. Instead, find time to sit and watch a beautiful sunset, commune with nature, visit an art museum or meditate for peace, as the concept of love is not only personal when Venus travels through such a universal sign. This is also a great time to meet your soul mate or strengthen the spiritual bonds in an existing relationship.

January 5: Jupiter enters Aquarius

Jupiter takes about one year to travel through a sign and has been in ambitious Capricorn, an earth sign, since December 18, 2007. Earth signs are interested in tangible achievement; air signs (Aquarius being one) are interested in the world of ideas. Jupiter is a planet that has to do with social systems and has something to say about how we relate to the outer world. Because Aquarius is focused on groups and teamwork, expect the year ahead to be one where you are interested in finding like-minded groups and participating more in your community or in the world-at-large.

January 10: Full Moon in Cancer

Last month when the December 27 new Moon was in Capricorn, it was important to be ambitious and find a mountain to climb. Full Moons are always a culmination of what you began at the last new Moon. With this full Moon in security-oriented Cancer, it is important to tune in to your feelings. Worldly ambitions need to be balanced with personal needs. What do you do to soothe and calm yourself? Do you take a bubble bath, eat comfort food, or curl up on the couch with a good book? You'll feel extra sensitive now, and tuning in to your personal needs is a perfect way to step back from all of your out-in-the-world tasks. Saturn's trine to the Moon provides a supportive environment to enhance your security and emotional well-being.

This full Moon will most affect those born January 9-13, April 9-13, July 12-16 and October 13-17

January 11: Mercury turns retrograde

Are you ready for your first Mercury retrograde of the year? The communication planet retrogrades three times a year (although in late December of this year, we will have a fourth one that ends 2009 and begins 2010). This one starts in group-minded Aquarius, returns to Capricorn and won't turn direct until February 1. All Mercury retrograde periods are about returning to previous thoughts, discussions and ideas. Reserve decision-making until Mercury turns direct. Mercury retrograde periods are famous for misunderstandings and glitches in communications and travel systems. Double-check meeting times and travel arrangements, and wait to buy vehicles and communications products of any kind.

January 18: Mercury conjuncts Jupiter

This conjunction may be the only major aspect for the week, but when Jupiter amplifies communicative Mercury, you'll have plenty to say and so will everybody else! Because Mercury is still retrograde, this marks a week where the dialog gets louder about what everybody is already thinking and talking about. Some of the discussion will feel exciting; for some of it you may want to get some earplugs! Whether you join the conversations or not, one thing is for sure -- you won't be able to ignore them!

Enjoy the Sun's transit in Capricorn!

Sunset @ Priestfield

Sadly 1 down too

Defo purple

Tights today!!

Gasp

It's Christmas week right?

So why am I still sat at work - working?! There appears to be bugger all Christmas spirit around here and even I despite all the gripes in my world am trying to keep festive. But it's not easy. And I haven't had any beer this week, or wine. I have been working and trying to keep on top of home time issues. You know like washing, shopping and cleaning.. ah. Well. Best crack on or I will be here until midnight and my washing will be all wet again...

Good Luck

Sparky - hope the new job goes well... make the lights shine bright in Sydney for me... (energy saving bulbs of course!)

HANDS OFF IPSWICH

Seems our talented young striker is the target for erm the Tractor Boys (note I do not say the Big Boys... ) when the January transfer window opens.

Yes Simeon Jackson is creating interest from other leagues. Hey kids we need the goals - or we need the cash and having watched all our other talented youngsters leave (I still mourn the going of Matt Jarvis, Marlon King, Nayron Nosworthy etc etc) for peanuts - if he really has to go then I am backing the Manager - £1m please.

Let's face it it's still a snip compared with the sums talked of in the Premiership.

In other Gills news.. still not yet confirmed if Barcham will be loaned to us again for another month... we need to keep hold of him too. Come on Harry - give us a break!!

John Nutter looked quite cute on Saturday! Ha ha!!

Hooray!

Thanks to Pops my ticket for the 4th January 1.30pm is secured!!!

Bring on the Villa!!!

Congratulations!

Are due to my dear colleague Camilla, and her hubby Mark, who were finally (only 14 days late!) joined by a healthy baby boy, yesterday morning! Hooray for good news!

Nice bags

After 44 lengths!

Theres no other way

Blur

Plan Ahead

Hooray, karen! The brilliant and beaming Sun enters Capricorn and your sector of self on Sunday, and your birthday month kicks off with the start of the Solstice. Yes, you are so important in the Universe that you have a seasonal change along with the commencement of your yearly celebration of yourself. What else would you expect? After all, Saturn, the taskmaster planet of the cosmos, rules you. You know better than anyone else that life is filled with lessons and that you need to pay attention to them. You have certainly had your fair share of struggles in life, but you also have had a lot of joy, bliss, and richly rewarding experiences. Your life path is not always an easy one, but it is filled with profound and deep life events, and in all honesty, you wouldn't change your destiny for anyone else's. This week is all about you, so please don't feel the least bit guilty about enjoying yourself. It's your time to take off your responsibility hat and put on your party hat instead. Get ready for a wonderful year ahead, one that will be filled with many changes and diverse experiences.

Erm best watch this space then!?

Odd Weekend

Not much to report really - the weather has been VERY damp. My Saturday did not start with an early walk - the rain put pay to that. I spent several 60mins on the tube getting to and from High Barnet. Which did mean I got to read lots of my latest book 'Water for Elephants' by Sara Gruen is set in the early part of the 19th Century and follows a character in the Circus. Not sure why I pulled it off the book shelf but it has been just what I needed to get back into novels post reverting to Observer magazines after the last read by Philip Roth. It was still wet and cold in North London - green and leafy too. Pops was already there so we decided to take our place in the away 'stand'. Seating with a tent roof! It helped keep us dry but we did get very cold. The pitch was a water mud bath. Barnet took the lead 12 secs into the 2nd half. We equalised. They struck right back and in the dying gasps of the game we levelled. Job done. Home. Pasta and TV. Bed.

Sunday - I do at least get up and think 'its only fog' and go for my walk. Straight round this morning no photos no interaction. It was very quiet and damp, but not as cold as yesterday. Home. Shower. The Archers and then set too on making my dinner and sorting out the kitchen. I am about to devour my dinner - Puy lentil pie with peas n carrots... yum yum. Then I intend to settle down for Little Dorrit and as much of SPOTY as I can stomach!!

Only a week or so to go til u-no-what day. I have managed to write all my cards today - now just need to post them. I have a few bits to get for my dad and Mike and Shirley. Otherwise I feel relaxed about it really. I'll be with 2 people I love and those I cannot be with I will love too regardless. In my thoughts. Alot. I shall hail a toast in any event! Cheers.

Sports Personality of the Year

Mm. Tricky one this year. Depends on your definition of 'Personality' surely!!

per-son-al-i-ty Pronunciation [pur-suh-nal-i-tee]
–noun, plural -ties.
1. the visible aspect of one's character as it impresses others: He has a pleasing personality.
2. a person as an embodiment of a collection of qualities: He is a curious personality.
3. Psychology.
a. the sum total of the physical, mental, emotional, and social characteristics of an individual.
b. the organized pattern of behavioral characteristics of the individual.
4. the quality of being a person; existence as a self-conscious human being; personal identity.
5. the essential character of a person.
6. something apprehended as reflective of or analogous to a distinctive human personality, as the atmosphere of a place or thing: This house has a warm personality.
7. a famous, notable, or prominent person; celebrity.
8. application or reference to a particular person or particular persons, often in disparagement or hostility.
9. a disparaging or offensive statement referring to a particular person: The political debate deteriorated into personalities.

The line up and their details can be fully viewed here. The list is as follows.

Rebecca Adlington
Ben Ainslie
Joe Calzaghe
Nicole Cooke
Lewis Hamilton
Chris Hoy
Andy Murray
Christine Ohuruogu
Rebecca Romero
Bradley Wiggins

I was truly inspired by the Olympics and could vote for each/any of those; Andy Murray has kept me entertained and listening to Five Live at odd times of the day and night (Remember Nadal?!) and has been successful this year. Lewis Hamilton - well you know I've been a huge fan all season. He for me has made F1 exciting again.
In terms of a personality ... mm each time I see the athletes in a non sporting environment I feel disappointed - yet their Radio interviews have made me warm to them, Rebecca Romero esp. SO who does my vote go too... I really can't say! In terms of commitment it needs to go to an Olympian - the 4 year thing, the individual thing etc etc. Chris and his 3 gold? Rebecca and her 1 to make it 2 in differing events? Rebecca and her 2 totally unexpected and record breaking golds? Nicole for getting us started? Bradley for being a team stalwart? Christine for being SO relaxed in her victory?
Mmm. Help?! Thoughts?

Strictly Gone Cock-Up

SO to Saturday night.

TV reached a climax last night. Not sure if I have confessed to this publicly yet but owing to the usual time I get home from football I have been 'converted' to the dark side and this year been watched 'The X Factor' as opposed to 'Strictly Come Dancing'. 'Strictly' was on too early and I felt cheated by the Sunday night results show... The John Sargent debacle should have been seen as the British public saying - 'You know what, we are all a bit bored with this contest. It used to be fun but now it's all about perfection. We want to vote for the one we like. We want to make your programme interesting.' So last night for the few brief moments I digressed from IT-V to the Beeb I witnessed Tess Daly wearing the red version of a dress she always seems to wear now, a public vote that meant nothing and for all those who'd rushed home to watch a pretty pointless results show.

All three went through to next week. So that means next week is a repeat of this week - and without 'The X Factor' to tempt to you to the other channel. There was no explanation - just genuinely shocked looking guests and hosts. I was unimpressed.

Meanwhile in Cowell-Cole land, Harry Hill's favourite, Eoghan Quigg went out first. Not even Boyzone could save him. JLS vs Alexandra Burke. I switched to watch the festive fall out of 'Casualty'. I missed only repeated tunes back on IT-V. But I did vote. First time ever for an IT-V prog, I have in the past got quite passionate about Strictly. But not this year. My vote counted - she won. Everyone is happy except maybe Danni Minogue who has had to sit as a mentor for weeks knowing she is last year's news. I have felt quite sorry for her.

This morning the Strictly vote issue is main headline news. Jees. Who cares? One of them will win. But none of the three remaining mean too much to me. Not like the lovable Darren Gough, the dreamy Mark Ramperkash or even last year's Matt vs Alesha final which I did care about. The moment has gone I fear for Strictly.

As for the X Factor - look out Leone - I fear Alexandra is a XX above you.

Notes: Beyonce at least gave a performance and was human last night unlike that dreadful 'appearance' by Britney Spears. Tsk what a waste of time she was!

Carbon -

Grey? Or blue to you?

Better late than never

Heh Stu?! Keeps well!

Mm

Dont slip up!

Wet Barnet

UTG!

Nice Barnet..

mm. Have you seen the weather this morning?

Oh well its an hour or so on the tube so i'll be dry for the most part!!

Still a dull ache but at least my irrational mood has lifted... ha ha ha! Just as well as my doorbell was pressed loud and long twice this morning - dragging me out of the shower only to discover an official wishing to serve notice of something to my upstairs neighbours... Groan. PULL the cord and ring THEIR bell!!! My doorbell even states my name!?! Hey ho.
Anyways gotta get my layers on.. ta ta.

Groan...

I have been awake since 4.10am with the most hideous stomach cramps...thank the pharmacy for ibuprofen..

Who in their right mind would be a girl?!

Tra la la..

That said girl today wears new dog-tooth check skirt, carbon coloured stockings and a meek smile.

Full Moon...

Grrr.. and I am perhaps therefore more werewolf than I realised today.
That said I got a lot of work done today.
Very little idle chatter.
Very little anything.
Did I dream it?

Bring on the Villa!

Up The Gills!

Birthdays

Love em or hate em they happen.

I have worked out that doing what I want to make me happy sets my expectations - so I get inner contentment. All other things then become a treat and a genuine surprise. I have never enjoyed mine due its timing. Always a crushing disappointment!

So I empathise. That said -

*Happy Birthday Simon*

Just think - tomorrow you will be as far away from the next one as poss!

I appear

to have upset someone. Disappointed them.

Unintentionally.

But upset them nevertheless.

Surreal circumstances. We have all these devices designed to help us communicate better and yet we still fail to do so. Say what we mean. Say when we mean. To understand each other. Communication is as much about listening as talking. Quality not quantity.

Sometimes there needs to be space between to think. Time to be oneself.

24 hour availability is technically possible. But I wonder how did we survive before having 24 hour connectivity? We've become a society of needy nerds. If we are not on a phone, writing an email, getting a text, updating a status, we start to feel as if we have disappeared. Off the radar.

It's not the truth. The head is a complex beast and the capacity to store thoughts and memories is immense. And distance doesn't stop or weaken strength of emotions. The truth is I am pretty poor in the using the telephone experience. I prefer the written form. Or the face to face exchange. You can communicate so much through the eyes. And know its genuine. I am old fashioned perhaps. I am confident in myself - but not in my ability to be myself as a voice in a device. It takes away 50% of the knack of communication. And answer phones... voicemail. Ramble away. I do. Self consciously aware that for one who likes to talk to herself she doesn't like talking to an void!

Mm.

Unintentional.

Bring on the Villa!

Deep breath...

today will be a good day.....

The Gills will win tonight! UTG!

And now

Bed.
Charles Wemmbley Hogg (BBC 7)
Hairy Palms
And bulgey swimmers eyes...

Thx for calling Sparky!! Good luck with job hunt x

Tunes

Have you had a tune in your head - or given to you by a friend but never known the title or the band? Well I have had a few songs like that on a c-d that Sparky carries with him - so these were tunes quite big in 2001. A few I have managed to track back - via visits to Oz. Bands like Fuel and Matchbox Twenty. But there was one song that I adored. I had managed to ascertain it was a Foo Fighters ditty - but without title I have not until now got the deets. Well a few weeks ago in HMV - I saw FF album - 2 for a tenner... and had to take a gamble... I went by years in the end! I first listened to 'The Colour and the Shape' on Wednesday last week when I was clothes horsing in the lounge and can reveal that the tune is #11 - 'Everlong'. Ironic huh! So 7 years on I finally can revel in the band and the title! Rocking! The album also has a cracking version of Numan's Down in the Park! Der-deh!

That said I am currently listening to Then Jerico!! LOL! Back the to the teenage bedroom I suspect. 'Reeling'.

Swimming...or drowning?

Tonight was 40 lengths. And I needed it.

I began the day feeling quite bright and breezy, the aim to be in early to sort paper work out for a day of interviewing. So I was in at 9ish and ready to go. Planned. By me. For the benefit of those of us interviewing. It then became a necessity. It wound me up.

It's those small things that wind me up during this, what can best be described as my 'werewolf week'.

Interviewing is also painful. If in the wrong frame of mind. It is like having a mirror held up to your face. All the questions. How would I answer? What do I take from the responses we give? Do I feel like that? Having stood over a photocopier and printer for 20 minutes. No.

But then I think I am being irrational. This is all part of my job. It just feels like a step backwards.

It feels like I am an alien force in the team. For 2 days a week I am. The only walking werewolf. Sorry I meant, woman.

I had a vile meeting on Friday afternoon where essentially my professionalism was called into question and I was basically told how to run my project. I sat calmly. Inside I wanted to explode and vent 6 months of project frustration. This afternoon I sat with the colleague working with me on the piece of work and apologised. I let him down by not calling the pointless meeting to a halt the minute I knew the other party was posturing. I have let him down because we are going in circles and I don't feel capable of dealing with it. My attentions and sense of duty pulling in at least 20 other directions. Trying to cover 1, or rather, 2 absent members as well as continue my own role. On a good day I rise to the challenge. On a bad day I struggle to remain personable. I just get those days when I want someone to ask me if I got home okay on Friday. If I enjoyed myself. If I had a good weekend. Am I okay.

Not everyday do I want this. I am fickle. A werewolf. But today I just wanted to be treated as if I were still valued. Not taken for granted.

So I get to swimming. And I swim. 40 lengths of breast stroke - I am getting better. 800m. 30minutes. Still not Olympic speeds. And I swim and I think. I think I am over reacting to tiny details. I think my behaviour is reminiscent of school days. Karen home from school. Sulk. Charge upstairs to bedroom. Sing loudly hoping the world will leave me in peace. Or rather that someone will pay me some attention. That someone will understand me. Not that I think anyone has fully managed that yet.

I am being emotionally unfair. I have plenty of attention at the moment. Thanks to Sparky - who despite his distance and heart aching reasons for being in Oz is making an effort to email and text as much as poss. The Actor has been making me smile immensely. And others drop me notes. Mel from Bar school texted to say thanks for B-day wishes. Camilla texted to say hospital and midwife visit today - no further news. Mazza and Pops text. My bro pops up occasionally. Lisa rang Sunday morning (after the Archers - well trained!) for a good long chat. There are just certain people I feel so distant from. Or that maybe I should be distant from.

These emotions bring out a very dark side in me. I cannot explain them - or how it makes me react. The hormones race through me and create eddy's of hatred and bile. They just spark the beginnings of the place I was in during June/July. When I broke down in front of people. When I stopped talking. Stopped writing. Stopped loving myself. A place where I shut all the people out who truly care for me. I got through it and returned to something near normal he hem. I fear sinking. I fear being drawn back to the deep end.

You see, I almost feel happier just getting some thoughts out on paper, as it were. Now I can go to bed without stewing on an argument.

Maybe tomorrow. Maybe someday.

Swim, Forest, Swim.

Spooks

Now whilst it was thrilling for my home village to be NAME CHECKED! in this evening's Spooks - I have to confess that that is NOTHING like Teynham Station - its an uncovered bridge for a start. Oh and trains via Teynham DO NOT terminate at Waterloo... not unless there were major engineering works going on. Victoria/Cannon Street and once Blackfriars (Sunday stuff) but not in my known usage Waterloo. Damn and blast you Harry Pearce..

Heaven Sent

You seem to be moving through some kind of gestation period, karen, and will finally give birth over the coming weeks. The focus is on your spiritual zone, where all dreams start as tiny seeds and begin to take shape. You don't need to hurry anything as it is happening all by itself. However, by Wednesday, you may find it difficult to stay calm. Your frustration at not being able to have what you want sooner may cause you to push your luck. Rather than being content to wait for the right moment, you want to make it happen now, which could be a mistake. You have been making good use of your intuition, too, but on Wednesday and Thursday, your desire to get ahead of the game may mean that you mistake haste for your inner voice and do or say something when you shouldn't. You may want to take a risk, but you need to be aware that you could ruin all you have so far achieved. Try to be patient. Beliefs that have been instilled in you from childhood may clash with your latest spiritual insights. Above all, you need to be true to yourself. Then you will succeed in all ways.

Darn it

Once again I have got so involved in having music in my ears and pictures to sort and words to write that it is now 10pm and I have missed Top Gear, Strictly, erm. Okay. Never mind! BUT it does mean my brain is whirring as opposed to closing down.. I wish Sunday's were longer - there's always so much more I want to do with the day... Hey ho. Week ahead. 2 days of solid interviews. Then some celebratory drinks for a successful 5 year project, then Wednesday I attempt to not break legs whilst ice skating. Friday team Xmas lunch - not organised by me for a change. So another week will pass and it will be Sunday pm again. Still not enough hours in the day to do all I want... grr.

Have a good week all.

Today

This morning I woke up minus the dull feeling of a late night which has coloured the past 2 mornings. Tho to be fair hearing upstairs playing piano at 11pm, even through my earplugs could be said to negate even that assumption. However I was more rested and more sober. 7.30am. 'The sonne rising' I got dressed and walked.. camera at my side. I'll post the better ones on Kazza's Walks - but here are a taster of the fruits of being an early worm in the city...

The frost and the river as it warmed in the sun were so perfect. How could I ever get bored with this country? Or indeed this part of it? Especially at this time of day when most are still snoring into their dribble soaked pillows.

A selection of the rest of my Colourful Nature pictures can be found now on Kazza's Walks

I love my new boots!

And now..

It's time for FOOTIE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yay!

Pearlers...

Ah the Christmas Party. It comes but once a year (thankfully!) and this year it was at the same venue as last year... there wasn't a theme - just drink too much and see how much of an arse you could make of yourself. I like to get this over with early so I can revert to water and slowly sober as those around me fall deeper into oblivion or if sensible leave before 11pm...

This represents early joy. Paul, me and Dan....(who now knows what a fluffer is....)

This represents us finding plastic teeth to wear.. chomp chomp...

This is me doing a rather good impression of Janet Street Porter - had I got my specs with me it would have been fault-less.

This represents the management of the table.

And these are the merry members of my team... Fai, Paul, Chris, Dan, Tan and Manisha.
And the plastic teeth have been removed.... I think...

So that was my 8th attendance.

I was up at 9am this morning. Head not too sore. I left at nearly midnight and avoided a punch up at Monument - avoided being chatted up from Bank onwards (late night tubes are fascinating for watching the male species line up their prey) and got home & drank 2 pints of water. I did at least get my Madge song request 'Holiday' and for the Oasis song 'Roll With It' was fortunate to have dance floor pretty much to self... Lovely! Like a good bop! I avoided any embarrassing scenes or situations and even spoke to the nice chap from Finance! Thank heavens that's out the way for another year without mishap! Next time just remind me to wear my jeans and a spangly top...

Broadstairs - 22nd Oct 2008

'Arty' Broadstairs

Clothes

I bought a dress for the Xmas party.

Today I took it back.

So looks like I am gonna have to make do with this skirt... and some other items I guess...

Does repeating a theme bother anyone?!

Beautiful early walk

Now its grey again :(

MSN Messenger

For those to whom I chat to via MSN - well I am finally all squared with my works profile so no more MSN at work I'm afraid. Feel free to email instead - or keep posting comments here! If you're really lucky you may catch forever Gills online in the evening...

Only one question - PC Anon - are you still up for Barnet? Or has the realisation of the sort of footballing experience that really is hit home yet?! Not Old Trafford I'm afraid...and I'm not sure the half time tucker will be half as nice as it was at Exeter..! Let me know. Otherwise keep smiling all you MSN chums.

Well done to Burnley this evening btw. The Arse got a hiding! LOL...

Has my

blog gone squiffy? 'About me' seems to keep disappearing down sarf...maybe it symbolic! Sparky rings me more now he is in Oz than he did when we were in the same county!! Bless.

I went swimming last night - 40 lengths. Got home and thought the eyesight in my left eye was impaired for life. It's ok now but was quite scary. I also wore my swimming cap.. mmm nice!

Watched 'Spooks' - my word that was a) gruesome b) edge of seat stuff. Thankfully Lucas survived.

Still not caught up with 'Survivors' so may need to watch iPlayer rapidly this evening!!

While I am here the tube journey in this morning was horrific!! Defective tube into Stockwell - leaning on doors - stops moving. I got quite nervy and could feel my heart racing. The feeling of being trapped. Would the train behind stop? Was there commuter anarchy going on in the rear carriage were the problem was? We drew slowly in to the station and then were all turfed off. The platform was rammed.And people still want to push passed you. grr. Suffice to say when I eventually got above ground I took some very deep gulps of air..

And now its raining. Lovely.

Delightful December once more!!

Your December Forecast:

There's plenty of passion and poetry in your life now, but perhaps not in a sweetly romantic sense. A drama in your personal life has a sharp, unresolved edge. Sparks fly when you spend time with a certain someone yet you're not happy about where they fly and what they set light to. It's not just the story of your heart that can't unfold properly till something settles. Your ability to generate wealth and solve problems elsewhere is being compromised by a tense situation. Something needs to be soothed, settled and sorted out. And before the holidays are over, this will all have happened.

Wishes Granted

A beautiful new day dawns for you, karen, so send a big thank you to the Universe. On Monday, lovely Venus conjuncts Jupiter in Capricorn in your sector of self, and you will be glowing with good vibes. Your sense of positive optimism will rise high, and if you make a wish, it might just be granted. Make sure that you remember the old saying, "Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it," because you are due to have a request given to you very soon. It's a great time for you to mend fences with anyone with whom you are currently on the outs, so consider picking up the phone and reminding your best friend that everyone has disagreements from time to time and that all is forgiven, at least on your side! On Saturday, you are back to sorting through all your responsibilities and duties as Mercury squares Saturn, your ruling planet. You may need to ask for help in cleaning up and organizing your dwelling space from your roommates or family members. Of course, if you live alone, you will be the one saddled with buckets and sponges unless you can afford a cleaning service!

Your Week Ahead: There's only one issue on your mind, only one question you seek an answer to. I am tempted to say, think less about all of this. But that's easy for me to say. I am not living your life. I am not subjected to the same amount of stress and aggravation. Still, though, I can see that you're too caught up in a drama to recognise. You sorely need a sense of perspective. Talk to a friend who's not so involved. Canvas the opinion of a disinterested third party. Jupiter, as it passes through your sign, suggests that despite your strong urge to tackle trouble head on and personally sort everything and everyone out, you need to stand further back, not dive in deeper.

This pic pleased me

Purr

FA Cup Magic..

Yesterday we played really well against Stockport.. especially the first half. The second half less so, but we didn't concede. The 4,412 of us that turned out saw a top effort by the team, in the mist, murk and rain... and this afternoon after watching Leeds being turfed out by Histon the 3rd round draw took place... oh brilliant - second to last out - we're at home (if we win replay) to Aston Villa - please please please... the 3rd round is played on the w/e of my birthday so I have such strong wishes!! Please win the replay Gills! If it wasn't a Tuesday pm in a week when I have to be at work I'd go! La la la!

All in all Saturday was a strange day - I awoke in a daze. A cosy daze. I have to keep smiling to myself. And as the weather was so very uninspiring I stayed put. Ah. Warm duvet and inward smiles. Eventually up and dressed and off to the game, my love. FAC second round - its been a few years since we got this far! The train was quiet, Victoria station quiet - well all the top London clubs were playing Sunday. It was wet and cold so a treat - a large skinny wet latte. Slurp. Heyho. The Actor was texting en route to Manchester - Stockport being his home team. Zig-a-lig and I texted apres the game. His beloved NCFC losing once again. Why do we do it?! And midway through second half a call from Oz. It was too loud I couldn't hear a word so I rang back after the game. Not good. Distance sharpens the focus. Dare I say it but Madge sums it up in her dittie - Miles Away... mm.

Next week .. erm, Monday is swimming, I have invite out for a beer Tuesday, which I should probably turn down. Thursday I am due to meet an old school chum who moved to Canada but is back for the week and Friday is the works Xmas party. And yes kids I have bought a dress for said occasion... so better get walking and eating less!!

Have a good week all...and please may I see some blue sky and winter sun this week please?! Thanks!