National No Smoking Day...

... you know it makes sense.

Stub it out! Save the cash! Smell nicer! Walk faster! Tastier breath! Whiter teeth! (call it prep for National Kissing Day!!)

I'll be honest I have been struggling (been good the last few days) so I need to be more will powered in situations I know are my weak spots... roll on the smoking ban in pubs! And trying to believe that one down the pub is ok - is a lie. Yes you may manage for a couple of weeks - one or two on a Friday - and then none til the next Friday. But then you get cocky and a Thursday night becomes a full blown smoke fest and before you know it - you have a packet and some left over... here you go again.

It's no good. I know I find it hard to stop. I get into certain situations and they are my answer - even though deep down I know they are not. I know I feel better off them. I just have this horrid suspicion that part of me will always be hooked. I'll always be a smoker who is choosing (in some case fighting) to ignore her urge to smoke.

My relationship with cigarettes is uneasy.
My conscious giving up is tested.
I only kid myself.
And when I do I feel bad.

I am trying. Really hard. More gum and WW Fruities I fear.